bill-swift - July 26, 2012
Those infamous Chinese penis thieves have struck again! Niqiao Village's very own Fei Lin is going to be acting much more fay than ever before after a group of thieves broke into the forty-one year old's house in the middle of the night and cut off his favorite appendage. 'They put something over my head and pulled down my trousers and then they ran off,' Lin told authorities. 'I was so shocked I didn't feel a thing -- then I saw I was bleeding and my penis was gone.'
As reported in the Austrian Times, police believe that the genital culprits were most likely a cabal of jealous men whose wives Lin was having affairs with. The police have searched for the man's missing member but so far have come up short.
While you guys out there cross your legs and cringe at the thought, check out the gallery of other unfortunate souls who've suffered a similar fate. Things could always be worse, fellas.