Man Whose Had Sex With 1000 Cars To Settle Down

What's the latest thing in the world of perverts? Apparently, having sex with cars. A thousand cars. Edward Smith is the Wilt Chamberlain of mechaphilia. What in the name of Henry Ford is that? It's a person who is sexually attracted to cars and other machines. Old Ed has gotten around in his day. He claims to have had sex with cars, planes, trains, and even a celebrity helicopter used in the TV series Airwolf. Unlike a normal guy who is sexually attracted to humans with skin and stuff, a mechaphile like Ed gets randy for a nice fender and hood ornament. Ed explains that, "Some guys look at boobs and bums on beautiful women. I look at the front and rear on beautiful cars". But now this playa is ready to settle down with a 30-year-old VW Beetle named Vanilla. Ed says,

"When I hold Vanilla in my arms there's a powerful energy that comes from her in response to that. If anything was to happen to her I would be more than heartbroken."

I guess ultimately there isn't anything...um...wrong with having sex with cars. It doesn't hurt anyone, I guess. Except...how does one have sex with a car? Do you stick it in the tailpipe or the gas tank? Do you just rub it on the hood or hump the seats? I have no idea and honestly I don't want to know. Oh, perverts. What will they think of next?