Man Injured By ‘Legend Of Zelda’ Master Sword

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bill-swift - March 6, 2014

A man in Houston was seriously injured after being stabbed by the Master Sword from The Legend of Zelda. It all started when Eugene Thompson got into a fight with his girlfriend. The girl called her estranged husband to come over and sort the guy out. The dork, (because all Eugenes are dorks), panicked when the man showed up wanting to kick his ass. So, naturally he went into his dork lair and grabbed a replica of the Master Sword from The Legend of Zelda, the sword of heroes. He claims the man ran onto the blade and not that he used the B + up slashing move. The man is in stable condition and Eugene was taken into police custody.

See, this is what happens when the unworthy wield the Master Sword. You start out with that crappy wooden sword and then work your way up. You don't get the Master Sword until at least a third of the way into the game. Did this guy solve any dungeons and beat any bosses? No. Did he go into the Temple of Time and retrieve the sword from the stone set there by the goddesses? No. He's just some douche who ordered it off a website. So, unless the husband was Ganon, this guy doesn't deserve the Master Sword.

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