Makeout Not War…At Least In Canada

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bill-swift - October 13, 2012

Makeout not war? That's what one pub in Calgary said. I'm currently on assignment in Canada, (where I'm trying to get information from a psychic moose for my "Dispatches from the Apocalypse" series). A bar in ball freezingly cold Calgary has angered veteran's groups because they scheduled a "makeout party" for November 11. The problem is that the 11th is Canada's Remembrance Day, where the country remembers their veterans who served in Afghanistan, Iraq, and...umm...all those other wars Canada has fought. The bar says they didn't mean anything by it and they always have makeout parties on weekends. My thought was: a makeout party? Seriously? What are you, in 8th grade?

If you can legally drink in a bar, you are clearly an adult. Making out is fine and a prelude to boneage. Maybe it's because I live in the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah that is New York City. A place where I regularly have to avoid stepping on used condoms and avert my eyes when a guy dressed in a tutu is dry humping a squirrel. I know that Canada is like a cleaner, lamer America, so I guess a teenage, over-the-shirt-cop-a-feel, grinding, with tongue makeout party is like the hottest thing that's ever happened there.

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