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Little Creatures-Big Brawlers Round Four: Oompa Loompa vs The Leprechaun

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bill-swift - October 20, 2012

We're quickly making our way through the opening rounds of Little Creatures-Big Brawlers as we gear up towards the return of Hobbits and Elves in December's The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. This is of course the world's biggest little tournament of champions to see who will survive to face off against the Hobbits in the final round of Little Creatures/Big Brawlers just before the film's release.

To recap last week, we watched the aptly named Tom Thumb thumb wrestle to the death with that pixie dust throwing, short-skirt wearing strumpet Tinker Bell and even though Tom carries a razor sharp wit in that pencil eraser-sized noggin of his, we learned that pain was a dish best served by a woman as Tinker Bell pummeled Tom and his bravado into a matchbox-sized early grave. Remember the song folks: The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Today we move onto Round Four of our miniscule showdown of the biggest little fighters in the world. Will the Oompa Loompas sing morality tales to victory or will the Hibernian Horror, the Emerald Evil-Doer, the Leprechaun, prevail. Let's check in with our two competitors to find out.

Oompa Loompa - Is nihilism a weapon? It is in the case of the orange-skinned, green-haired residents of Loompa Land who clearly have no fear of death and in fact celebrate it. A man who is not afraid of death is a man to be fearful of. I think Sun Tzu said that. Or maybe it was Splinter. Getting into the ring with one of these fellows might be a safe bet until you realize they're more hopped up than a corrupt racing horse as their obsession for the hunt and purification of coco beans is nothing more than a front for their intense cocaine addictions. Someone that small doing a couple lines before a fight clearly sways the outcome.

The Leprechaun - It's not all four-leaf clovers and rainbows for this Irish trickster. Cocaine might get an Oompa Loompa on his feet but you need only tell the Celtic creature that the guy on the other side of the ring stole his pot of gold and you've got a supernatural shakedown coming your way. Light on his feet and spry, everyone knows that if you're going to have to get in the boxing ring with a white guy, make sure he's not Irish.

And the winner is...

Well, this one really threw us, folks. What started out looking like an easy victory for the Leprechaun took a turn for the surreal at the start of the fourth round. Apparently the Leprechaun's avarice came back to bite him in the ass when a group of Oompa Loompas in the crowd started singing a song about how all he card about was gold, walked into the ring, carried the little guy off and chucked him down a garbage chute that leads straight to the machine where they make the little marshmallows for Willy Wonka's Lucky Charms.

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