Little Creatures-Big Brawlers Round 7: The Imp vs Freaks’ Hans

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bill-swift - November 10, 2012

Has it really been seven weeks of our Little Creatures-Big Brawlers Tournament of Champions already?? Despite all these guys' tiny little legs, they're moving things pretty quickly ahead as we move into the final two rounds of the semi-finals to see who will eventually face off against the Hobbits in time for December's The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and be the one who gets the one ring to rule them all, or the Iron Throne, or whatever the main prize is in whatever fantasy series you're into.

To recap last week, we sat through an epic battle between the body-slamming bellicose vultures, the Borrowers, take on the lap-dogs of Lilliput, the takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin' Lilliputians. And much to our surprise, due to their guerrilla warfare strategies, the Clock family was capable of cleaning the Lilliputian army's clock. Today we move onto Round Seven of our miniscule showdown of the biggest little fighters in the world. Will Tyrion Lannister pay off his family's debts with a victory? Or will the sideshow spectacle Hans become the ringleader of his own ring of death. Let's check in with our two competitors to find out.

Tyrion Lannister - Tyrion's done some evolving and growing these days. And by growing obviously I do not mean height--he's as microscopic as ever. No, I meant emotionally. Last year he may very well have just paid someone else to fight for him and watched someone the size of Dog the Bounty Hunter take on the guy from Life's Too Short. It would've been an easy victory for him, but those days are behind Tyrion these days and he likes to fight his own battles now. While this clearly is a disadvantage, you've got to respect it.

Hans - Tyrion isn't the only one with a secret weapon on his hands. Sure, Hans is fragile, wears a tux and is too starstruck by one of the ring girls that he can think of nothing else than having her, but he lives by a code--the Code of the Freaks. And with some simple 'Gooble Gobble, Gooble, Gobbles,' he has the power to turn even the sexiest of German circus trapeze artists into a chicken lady.

And the winner is...

Well, it seems the tables have turned on Hans. Already mocked as a freak and currently missing half a face due to a broadsword across the head while defending the city from Stannis Baratheon, Hans' one secret weapon--turning someone into a freak after they get on his bad side--had absolutely not effect on the former Hand of the King. And with his courage and confidence at an all-time high thank to the prostitute he's fallen in love with, Tyrion, AKA the Imp, AKA the Halfman was easily able to defeat the German circus performer. It also helps that he left a pool of wildfire underneath Hans' corner with a rudimentary fuse set to go off in between the third and fourth rounds while Hans' trainer was cutting his eye.

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