Lady Gaga Is Your American Horror Story

We live in interesting convoluted moral times. Why is Lady Gaga wearing pasties on my TV set? I want porn. And I want decent Christian programming. Why can I only get the shit in between. Basic cable can show you a morosely pale hobgoblin simulating sex without her clothes on, but you can't see nipples or utter the word pussy. What trebly foul concoction is this? How will kids know where babies come from? The West is doomed. We can't even figure out libertine. What do you mean the customer service center wait time is an hour forty? Get this lipsticked wraith off my screen.

Photo Credit: "American Horror Story" FX