Sam Robeson - August 15, 2017
Kylie Jenner battles depression while muppet mom Caitlyn Jenner hovers a chicken over her face in a harrowing preview of this Sunday's Life of Kylie. The botched celebrity can't seem to catch a break on the Internet, and in the clip, she further laments the pitfalls of Instagram stardom while cuddling a nest of iPhones in bed. As soon as the cameras left her room, Kylie made sweet love to the electronic devices like there's no tomorrow. Getting DPed by iPhones. The Jenndashians' ultimate erotic fantasy. Jenner says of the big bad Internet:
You cannot win with the Internet. There's no winning. It's just unnecessary negativity. I feel like I'm in a relationship with the world sometimes.
Sounds like the world needs to get tested. Jenner, like all social media hos, has the option to unplug. But the fame withdrawal and lack of instantaneous double tap validation would send Jenner on an existential journey rivaling Samsa in Metamorphosis. Except, Jenner already looks like a bug. Instead, she'll continue to nip and tuck until she has real problems in life. Being confused for Mickey Rourke in Morticia Addams cosplay.
Jenner also feels marginalized for the way we treat her relationships. If it makes you feel any better Kylie, I don't really care who the fuck you date as long as the pairing is gross and hilarious. So, thank you:
The hardest part about having a relationship for me is just that it's blasted all over the Internet. You have to hear about other people's opinions on who you're with. It's a lot. Most of the time it's just not true. Like you have no idea what I'm like in a relationship, what kind of bond I have with somebody else.
If only there was a way to avoid having her relationships "blasted all over the Internet." We'll crack this code yet.
Photo Credit: E! News, Instagram