Kourtney Kardashian Dumps Disisk, Please Allow Us To Rebound in Peace

As you know, I somehow find myself in the middle of any number of celebrity breakups. I don't ask for this position, I just find myself there by way of being a good listener, having a good shoulder to cry on, and my ability to be a broke-ass bad guy from the wrong side of the tracks that makes for the perfect way to get back at your ex. Kourtney Kardashian just dumped her baby daddy of her past three babies for being a jackass. Where do I fit in? Well, ever so perfectly. I mean, you didn't hear that from my and please disregard it.

Whether Kourtney Kardashian and I are currently making the sexy six to nine times a day now and producing babies at a phenomenal inexplicable rate, that really is just our business. And the hotel maid who we tip extra to watch and applaud. At this time, I ask for your discretion and privacy as we resolve the unexpressed for many years lust between us. If you have to leak the photos, please, no shots of my ass. The world doesn't need that. Enjoy.