Katie Holmes Trades-In the Xenu Jeans For A Sexy Photoshoot With Marie Claire

There I am, sipping my afternoon Earl Grey, when Wendell Stubbs, my next door neighbor with the prison record for burning down not one, but two bowling alleys, knocks on my front door. Apparently, my October edition of Marie Claire magazine had been incorrectly delivered to his home, the A-frame with the poorly tended front lawn that all us neighbors are afraid to talk to him about. Wendell gets in my face and asks me why I'm receiving a girly magazine like Marie Claire. So I flip open the ladies mag for my felonious friend right to these hot pictures of Katie Holmes. And, Wendell's like 'no way', and I'm like, 'way', and, net net, we spent the afternoon together sipping Earl Grey and leafing through my archives of Elle magazine.

By the way, have I mentioned just how hot Katie Holmes gets when she breaks away from the Thetans for an afternoon?