bill-swift - December 14, 2012
Who knew Justin Bieber actually had testicles and hadn't lost them both in an industrial smelting accident back in Canada years ago? Well a couple guys who planned on kidnapping, killing and castrating the singer after his Madison Square Garden gig apparently did. The plan was hatched by Dana Martin, a 45-year-old convicted rapist and murderer serving time in New Mexico who is so obsessed with the 'Baby' singer that he has a tattoo of the Biebs on his leg and who I'm sure has remained straight during his stretch of time in the slammer.
Martin enlisted a former inmate from his prison and one other to commit the atrocious crime of strangling 'the 18-year-old Bieber and his bodyguard with a paisley tie' and then castrate them both using f*#king pruning shears, selling the Biebs balls for $2500 a pop. Thankfully, following a tip from New Mexico, the authorities apprehended the would-be killers in Vermont before they could make it to NY and pull off their plan of murder, castration, and saving the world from more shitty music.
And of course, the folks over at NMA World Edition have already put out one of their classic animations depicting the events exactly as they all went down that you can watch above.