editor - January 24, 2014
Lesbian Hobbit Justin Bieber was arrested for a DUI and drag racing in Miami Beach earlier this morning. It seems that the tiny tyke was racing his yellow Lamborghini on a residential street with his C-list rap buddies when the cops came by and inquired as to the drunk looking midget behind the wheel of the Italian sports car. The police administered a sobriety test on the little cock weasel and he failed. They're running more tests to determine just how fucked up he was and if his inebriation also included some drugs or prescription pills. If he's convicted he could have his license suspended and face some fines and possible jail time. Though the latter seems unlikely since he only thinks he's black. Justin has more legal resources than the entire D.A's office in Miami, so I'd expect a fine, some bullshit apology and notice that Justin is checking into rehab next door to Chris Brown. While the entire world awaits their own purchase of authentic Justin tears collected from his jail house backdoor violations, meh, we're not so lucky just yet.
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