Jonah Hill Wanted To Be A Hip-Hopper

I think I’m old fashioned. Or have undiagnosed autism. Maybe both. Either way I like things to be consistent. Like most people, I’m all for equality, when it’s appropriate. For example, I’m not saying that women shouldn’t be firemen, or firepeople for the PC individuals in the audience, but if I ever need saving and the person responsible for dragging me out of a burning building shares the same frame as Emily Ratajkowski, I know I’m as good as dead. I feel rap music, for quality purposes, should probably have the same consistency. I believe that everyone should be able to do whatever they want. What I am saying is that suburban Jewish kids aren’t the most qualified to discuss some topics in depth that concern bling, both bitches and hoes, and busting caps in another's ass. And that’s why I’m glad Jonah Hill chose cinema over becoming a Jewish rapper. The genre of music doesn’t need another Lil Dreidel or Young Yarmulke. It already has Lil Dicky which I’m 99% sure is the result of Weird Al Yankovic’s escaped jizz from a jar that decided to pursue rap as a means of supporting itself.

Jonah Hill didn’t just love hip-hop growing up, he wanted to make it.

On Thursday’s episode of “The Breakfast Club,” the actor, 34, said he wanted to be a rapper when he was younger.

“Of course I did,” he told DJ Envy, Angela Yee and Charlamagne tha God. “This is an exclusive. I didn’t have an emcee name, but I made a lot of beats. … This is very embarrassing — it was Spindrome. Like syndrome, but spin. It was wack, dude.”

I don’t feel any authenticity coming from Jonah about enjoying rap. I believe he wants some credibility to sell more tickets to his Mid90s movie which honestly looks like a repackaged mix of Larry Clark’s Kids and Ken Park. I don’t like this newer, thinner Jonah who wants to be taken seriously. Put the pounds back on and the funny, money, and attention should return like the prodigal son.