Jessica Alba Looking Radiant Teasing Some Cleavage In Pretty Pink Dress

If there is one thing I cannot stand in this world, it is teasing. I do not like seeing it done to a four eyed freak on the playground. And I do not like having it done to my own eyes.

How dare Jessica show just enough cleavage to remind me that she has boobs, and yet not be generous enough to have a “nip slip.” I do not know who is responsible for making the delayed gratification theory popular, but if I find out I will punch them in the testes. Or ovaries. Whichever one applies.

I do not buy into the whole “delaying gratification makes it more satisfying” schtick. I like my gratification the way I like my drunkenness, as quickly as possible. That may have ruined more than a few relationships in my life, but I am too old to change now. And I got mine, so what reason do I have to change?

The whole idea of teasing the senses makes me want to flip a table holding fifty cups of water. I do not tease my bladder by making it think I am about to take a piss, only to hold it in for another thirty minutes, so I sure as hell am not going to do it to my balls.

Photo Credit: Splash News / MEGA