Jennifer Lopez Can’t Quit

Jennifer Lopez has major bank from her entertainment career. She also owns a sugar plantation with seventy-three black Caribbean slaves you don't hear her talk about unless she's wasted. She's got a gay boyfriend who agrees to use the deep voice when frothing her through the sheets. Even with a brand new TV cop show, she's launched an in-residency show at Planet Hollywood in Vegas.

Lopez is forty-six and never could sing, but she's a good dancer and has an ass that makes Puerto Rican prostitutes half her age mutter to themselves. Throw in elaborate costumes and guest appearance by Ja Rule and collect your $30 million. That's a lot of money for you and me. It won't change Jennifer's life one bit. Why not pull back and get to know your kids. Take them to special doctors to get that Marc Anthony blood out of them before they grow emaciated illegal immigrant staches. Somebody has to pay for nobody taking Lopez' dreams seriously as s kid. That somebody are new money Chinese at $500 a ticket.

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