Jennifer Aniston Suffering A Sex Dry Spell

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elliot-wolf - January 31, 2019

When someone says they haven’t gotten laid in a long time, it’s hard to believe. And it’s because the definition of sex is so elusive. I mean Bill Clinton didn’t even consider the blowjob he got in office to be sexual relations at first. I wish I went into politics at the time if hummers were being treated as casual as handshakes in the White House. So who really knows what counts as “getting laid” anymore. Does a friendly match of rock’em sock’em scissor cunts count if there’s no penetration? How about “butt-stuff?” I mean every girl growing up that said she was saving herself for marriage circumvented losing the virgin label by accepting more meat through her backdoor than the local abattoir. All I’m saying is, if Jennifer Aniston claims she hasn’t gotten laid since early 2017, she needs to be a little more specific with her definition of sexy time.

It's been almost exactly one year since Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux split. Reports say that Amal Clooney is trying to get Jennifer laid, and a new report explains that she may need all of the help she can get.

Apparently she's still in a dry spell that began long, long before she and Justin ended things. RadarOnline reports that Jennifer Aniston hasn't gotten laid since her split with Justin Theroux. Since before the split, actually.

"Her marriage with Justin (Theroux) went downhill in early 2017," the insider notes. "So," the source says. "It’s coming up for two years since she had a good romantic experience."

I find it hard to believe Aniston has fasted from sexual relations for almost two years. A sex starved aging woman typical turns into a smelly cat lady if the celibacy goes on for too long. I really don’t want to hear rumors of Jennifer not noticing she smells like a mixture of Tidy Cats and Fancy Feast. Who here is willing to sacrifice themselves if she’s unable to find a suitable sex partner within the next few weeks?


Photo Credit: Getty Images / Backgrid USA / MEGA 

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