Sam Robeson - July 21, 2017
The mythological chick who can hang with the dudes exists in low-calorie beer commercials and 2000's Sandra Bullock movies. She can take a punch and a dick? Put a ring on it. Few celebrities seem to actually fit in this rare, tangentially lesbionic category of females. Charlize Theron is one of them. Mad Max: Fury Road was actually just footage of Theron's weekend. January Jones is the other. In addition to seeming like a cool chick, Jones has very squeezable tits that she shows off in this new Instagram selfie. Cool, dude.
Jones' Instagram feed is a bizarre patchwork of posts that look like they could have been created alternately by teens, wino moms, shut-ins, serial killers, and occasionally, celebrities. No manager was harmed in the making of this feed. Confidence comes from innate beauty. Look like Jones and you feel comfortable posting to your 504K followers "Keep the planet clean, it's not Uranus." A chick who talks about crusty assholes. Brah. Keeper.
The thirty-nine-year-old is also known to Buzzfeed Community idiots for posting actually unflattering throwback Thursday photos. Not "#tbt to last week when my tits were out at the beach #soembarrassed #blessed #idontdeservetolive." - Crissy Teigen. This is the strain of the seeming cool girl who actually sucks. Women love Teigen. They think: "Hey, I can look like a pug too." They hate Jones. Hot Tip: If women hate an actress, she's upper percentile fuckable.
Jones was pigeonholed as a frigid bitch after portraying mid-century nag Betty Draper on Mad Men. A generation of cheating alcoholics and subsequent depressed asshole housewives turned into modern-day terrible old people? Shocker. These days she has to endure Will Forte's self-congratulatory cackling on The Last Man on Earth. But Jones still seems pretty fucking content. She has a kid, a job, lots of money, confidence, and amazing tits. Brah, should I get her number?
Photo Credit: Instagram
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