Elmo Is Going To Do Time

Elmo has been arrested in New York City. No, I'm not talking about the guy who performed Elmo, Kevin Clash, who is  a kiddy fiddler. No, it's an Elmo in Times Square. This is just another in a long string of assaults, arrests, and harassment by beloved characters. Batman and Spiderman have been arrested as has Spongebob Squarepants. It took ten cops to take down the beloved piece of felt. This to me is a sign of how bad the economy really is. I know we're supposedly in an economic recovery, but there is something really wrong with us as a nation if Muppets and superheroes have to panhandle fat tourists from Nebraska in Times Square. Elmo must have made millions on merchandising alone. Remember Tickle Me Elmo? What happened to his fortune? Does he have a drug problem? Gambling? Prostitutes? I don't know.

I cry a tear for the death of America.

Cora Keegan Au Natural Slender Hotness Bikini Modeling for Lookbook

For those of us fans of the young natural hottie models doing their thing ever so effortlessly, and maybe smoking a cigarettes teasingly while in a knit bikini, well Cora Keegan in this Lookbook by Aaron Feaver is the one for you. I mean, you don't actually get her, but you do get to ogle all you like for free and imagine Cora as your flirty young mischievous girlfriend in oversized glasses and undersized outfits on your end of summer roadtrip vacation. At least, that's what I'm dreaming about at the moment.

Sure, I along with so many of you love the bouncy flouncy ladies with the stacked racktastic. But I'm also a super huge fan of the naturally lean and less ample sextastic ladies who know exactly how to flaunt it. The world of lady hotness is hardly black and white. It's just happy colors all over the spectrum. Enjoy.

Humpday Huzzah! Joey Fisher Strips Out of Her Bra and Jeans for Bodacious Topless Reveals

 

Sometimes, you just need a little fluffy funbags in your face to make the midweek hump seem a whole lot humpier. For me, I couldn't be more pleased with my Wednesday boobtastic repast. Namely, the giftedly bosomed Joey Fisher stripping out of her top and jeans to bring a whole new meaning to the word, 'Yum'.

I don't care who you are or what you do, life can take its toll on you. But as always, preciously sweet summer melons are the long journey's oasis. The vision of moist nirvana breaking up your desert trek. Joey Fisher's sweater puppies could milk up many a weary parched traveler. As long as I'm first, I'm good with sharing. Bless you and your gorgeous mams, Ms. Fisher. Huzzah!

Candice Swanepoel Bikini Booty Lifeguard Sextastic in Malibu

I'm not exactly sure why Candice Swanepoel and her Our Lady of Swanepoel bikini booty was working the lifeguard tower in Malibu, I only know it sent me rushing into the ocean to drown just enough to require her mouth to mouth. Or, you know, mouth to whatever might bring me back from the light. Sadly, Candice didn't seem to notice my floundering, what with a million eyeballs leering at her ridiculously hot bikini body in display up on the wooden stand.

Candice Swanepoel isn't just a bikini model, she's a bikini goddess. She was born to pimp bikinis with her outstanding female form. It's a gift from on high that Candice has done anything but forsake. I know the Baywatch lifeguard girls were a bit bustier, but I'll take a streamlined Candice bikini body any day of the week, and twice on Sundays. Oh, Candice, you are the wind beneath my hard-ons. Enjoy.

Alyssa Barbara’s Nips And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Alyssa Barbara must be really cold. (Drunken Stepfather)

Sara Malakul Lane's sideboob makes life good. (Hollywood Tuna)

Is that REALLY Beyonce's thigh gap? (The Superficial)

Hannah Ferguson is one hot cheerleader. (COED)

Jenny McCarthy has some big old funbags, ya'll. (Dlisted)

Photos emerge of Daniele Watts doing her boyfriend before her arrest. (TMZ)

Toni Garrn in a bikini makes me very happy. (WWTDD)

Dannii Minogue Faptastic and Forties for Aussie Points

Dannil Minogue like her sister definitely sits on my list of veteran hotties I'd love to take to some swank affair and fool around with in an upstairs room. She's just looking as hot as ever in her latest pictorial in InStyle magazine.

Though sister Kylie gets more worldwide attention, Dannii has forged her own path of the sextastic, the brunette perhaps underrated, but never over-fapped to, as if that were possible. There's nothing finer than a mature woman who knows how great she looks. Oh, the things she could teach me during some private lesson time. Dannii, let's do it like your sister would. Enjoy.

Mario and ‘Mortal Kombat’ Collide; Balls-Out Crazy Ensues (VIDEO)

Super Mario Kombat
Poor little dude.

We all know of Nintendo’s family-friendly stance. Mario is generally seen cruising happily through the Mushroom Kingdom, amidst a shitstorm of bright toontastic colors, jangly music and all of that cutesy stuff.

That’s the way it is, the way it should be and the way it damn well must be. Remember that nip slip from Princess Peach? That was more effing scandalous than Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction. Well, it would have been if it had happened. Anywho, we’re getting off topic.

Youtube is world renowned as the home of weirdery and procrastination, so it’s just the place you’d expect to find something like Super Mario Kombat. This is NicksplosionFX’s splice-and-dice of Super Mario World and Mortal Kombat, and it’s three minutes of your life you’ll never get back.

But why would you want to? Who wouldn’t want to trade a lil’ portion of their life for the chance to see Sub-Zero punch a Bullet Bill in the face? Nobody we know, that’s for damn sure.