Taylor Swift, Jennifer Lopez, Miley Cyrus, and Selena Gomez Repping Pop Hotties at 2013 Billboard Music Awards

Okay, let's put his out there first. The Billboard Music Awards are handed out based on the sale of music, which means, the taste of your average young teen girl dictates the winners. So, musically speaking, yeah, not so good. But, and this is a big but, it also means that all the big names in music, and all the A-list hottie divas, also are obliged to say yes to attend. And not just attend, but look their stellar best ,in Vegas every year for the ceremony. So, basically you have a party with killer looking girls and lousy music. You'd make that trade any day.

Leading the list of lookers at the celebration of craptastic music was Taylor Swift surprised once again to win awards even though pre-announced, Jennifer Lopez still hanging with the youngin's, Selena Gomez looking might fine save for rumors of her reunited for a fourth time with The Devil's Midget, Miley Cyrus sparkling hard these days, heck, even Kesha managed to look rather fetching, a sure sign that everybody's game has been stepped up for the evening. And then a whole lot of celebrity hodgepodge of hotness. It was quite a night. I wish I could of been there, but three different restraining orders by various pop divas formed an intersecting domain of denial around me being in Vegas. People take peeping in windows so damn serious these days. Enjoy.

Carmen Ortega Bikini Pictures Booty Proud and on Display in Miami

Carmen Ortega and her round full body continue to impress along the South Florida coastline. It's no wonder Reggie Bush was so moved to hook up with Carmen while still with the similarly full-bodied Kim Kardashian back just a few years, or five Kim Kardashian loves, ago.

Sometimes big booty simply must be served. It's like gravity. It's a force of nature that forces a result regardless of intent. You will look at Carmen's bikini body and you will find lust in your heart. It's going to be alright. That feeling you're experiencing is called exhilaration and it's very very healthy. Enjoy.

Miley Cyrus Black Swimsuit Cleavy Goodness Signals a Good Week

I'm not one for omens, but when a bird as body hot as Miley Cyrus appears in a revealing Vijat Mohindra shot photo on my window sill, it's likely a harbinger of a solid week of the sextastic to come.

So I guess I do believe in omens. And the benefits of Pilates, as evidenced by how Miley has transformed her body from spastically leaning girl to fully erect woman, as it were.

At some point soon I suspect we'll see the whole bare package and really value the benefit of a solid workout regimen. Enjoy.

Eva Longoria Wardrobe Malfunction Flashes the Bare Lady Nest (and Maybe a Lady’s Little Helper) in Cannes

 

To be fair, my feeble elderly eyes can't say for sure that Eva Longoria is completely bare down there, and by that, I mean bereft of panties. There may be some translucent undergarment type thing. Either way, I think it's fair to say Eva is most definitely bare down there in the Brazilian waxing sense of the word. Additionally, the photos may indicate that Eva is experiencing that time of the month and utilizing methods that Carrie did not know available when she was in the shower. But, again, hard to say for sure. I'll leave that to the CSI Egotastic! volunteer army out there.

So goes Cannes. Where the rain could not step the A-list celebrities from wearing designer gowns up the red carpeted step to their various photo lines and movie premieres. Eva Longoria and her slit dress were there for the showing of Jimmy P. (Psychotherapy Of A Plains Indian) which I would go and look up what it is, and will, as soon as I stop looking at Eva's cooch. So maybe like another two hours.

Eva Longoria wardrobe malfunctions are happening more and more these days. I can only assume Eva is trying to tell us something. Or, maybe prayers just really are answered. I'll accept either, while I continue to stare. Enjoy.

Batman: Arkham Origins Brings us its First Teaser Trailer: It’s Snowy, Showy, Punch-y and Kinda Sucky (VIDEO)

Batman Arkham Origins Teaser Header
Does ANYONE do a stubbly fury-face like Mr. Wayne? Hell no.

As with its fellow ball-busting blockbuster coming at the ass-end of 2013, Grand Theft Auto V, Batman: Arkham Origins does like firing out the subtle info-nuggets. In our last visit to the world Warner Bros. Games is creating, we saw a succinct summary of everything Origins-related to date. From what could be gleaned, free-roaming about Gotham will be a dynamic and actiontacular affair; there’ll be nary a corner of the place without a lurking shoplifter or car thief (or, presumably, one of those sleazy trenchcoat dudes that get their wang out in front of strangers in public parks) to gleefully pummel on.

What we haven’t yet been graced with is any form of gameplay trailer-ing. This... isn’t that either (quite yet), but it’s a tentative step closer. Behold, if you will, a little half-assed campy fisticuffs between Batman and Deathstroke, DC’s resident assassin; and stay tuned to Egotastic! for tomorrow’s more substantial trailer, as the above hints.

‘The Matrix’ Retold: The Story That Was Never Told… Or Made… Or Written(VIDEO)

Matrix Retold By a Mom
Starring "Leo", "his girlfriend", and "Moshimo"

This is several days too late for Mother's Day, but we wanted to do our own little tribute dedicated to moms all over the world for their awesomeness. Because if they hadn't banged your daddy right, then you wouldn't be here to exercise your loins and enjoy the world today.

Most moms get bored fast when you've got a sci-fi click in the DVD player. The perfect example is Austin-based filmmaker Joe Nicolosi's mom, who closed her eyes a couple of times while watching The Matrix, which is probably one of the best movies that Keanu Reeves ever made.

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iFlask Lets You iBooze Up On the Sly

If you need your regular fix throughout the day but don't want to risk getting caught by your boss or significant other or anyone else, then you need a flask that offers discretion alongside functionality like the iFlask.

I mean, there's nothing more inconspicuous than a flask that looks like an iPhone. Everyone needs his phone, and every dude needs his "phone." Get it?

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