Hayley Orrantia Purple Bikini For a Water Goddess Introduction to Egotastic!

Hello, hottie Texas brunette thespianic Hayley Orrantia. You may have seen Hayley in her role on The Goldbergs on ABC. Or, now you can see her pushes up in her bikini top all purple and hard to miss on the beach in Malibu. I think I might just be in lust. Strike that, I know I am.

How jealous I quickly become of things such as the ocean surf as it laps up the sweet behind of young sextastic celebrities like Hayley. Why I am tortured to look from behind my mini spy binoculars while the salty brine can lap her up in every crack and crevice. Alas, maybe in my next life. Enjoy.

Jehane Gigi Paris Topless Black and White Hotness Part Deux

 

We saw some of this ridiculously hot Chris Shintani photo set of Jehane Gigi Paris a little while back. But hot topless bodies with outstanding curb appeal require we drill down to find every instance of such visual wonderment, hence, part deux of an extended look at this anatomically inspiring series.

You know I've falling head over heels with every inch of this French model turned part-time Hollywood vixen. Jehane Gigi Paris has that very special 'it girl' quality that has me looking at it for about an hour here now nonstop. It's hard to describe the feelings of special racing through my neural network at this precise moment. If I was a droid, I'd be sparking and smoking. Jehane, you nourish both man and machine with your stellar fineries. Please, we need more. Much much more. Enjoy.

Vanessa Hudgens, Audrina Patridge, Bella Thorne Highlight the Hotness at the Young Hollywood Awards

I'm not really sure what the Young Hollywood Awards are about, only that it seemed like most of the guests were not all that terribly young. Okay, in their 20's mostly, but considering the categories were kiddy stuff such as Best Onscreen Kiss and Favorite Bromance, I'm thinking it was geared toward a much younger audience. But, stupid silly award shows aside, the hotties showed up to walk the red carpet. Young Hollywood past and present such as Vanessa Hudgens who looks better than ever before if I might say, Audrina Patridge who I understand is newly single and ever bikini hot, Bella Thorne, the darling ingenue of Hollywood, Jessica Lowndes, underrated body faptastic, and several more.

When you have an awards show at the end of July, you're not expecting super amounts of attention. Which is perhaps why we didn't get as much leg and skin as we get at the bigger shows. Still, I'm never looking a gift horse in the mouth, especially one with pretty pucker like Vanessa Hudgens. Enjoy.

Kylie Minogue Bikini Teasy Cutie for GQ Italy

I've wanted to have biblical relations with Kylie Minogue since before I'm sure I even knew what that entailed. Something inside my genetic programming just told me it was a good thing, and with Kylie, a potentially great thing that ought to be done. All these years later, reality has yet to catch up with the DNA dreams, but I still lust heartily for Kylie Minogue, a faptastic and forty girl most undoubtedly.

Kylie just keeps on ticking with cheeky hotness, including her bare arse cheeks in this GQ Italia magazine spread that shows why the veteran hotties have so much to teach the youngsters of today. Like the long slow tease. Oh, baby, Kylie has been working that for decades now. It's not always about squatting on an inflatable penis and yelling curse words. Sometimes, it's a little cocktail dress, or a bikini in a stylish Italian magazine spread with a killer smile. Kylie, please, teach us all. Start with me. I've been a very bad boy. Enjoy.

Stacey Pool Topless Stars, Topless Stripes, Big Topless Go Boom

 

I have to admire a busty British glamour model for draping herself in the Stars and Stripes to say hello to the Yanks. Stacey Poole isn't so much draping herself in the flag as she is wearing it briefly in a bikini which even more patriotically comes off quickly revealing her ample funbags beneath. God bless every nation in the world who loves this kind of show.

Stacey Poole makes me proud to be part of the bigger nation of gentleman oglers who can appreciate her immodest melons as the true bits of Mother Nature genius  that they are. We don't need a lot of hype or primping or styling, just a good looking woman with boobs that could smother us in our sleep. Is that too much to ask? Nay. Tis not. Sally forth, Stacey. Enjoy.

Naomi Campbell and Cassie Bikini Fun Time Aboard Diddy’s Yacht

I don't think he call himself Diddy anymore, I could care less. I care more about the passengers on his Riviera yachting vacation, most notably his girlfriend Cassie and his not girlfriend veteran supermodel Naomi Campbell in bikinis.

As you know, I am only 3,975 easy payments away from owning my own vessel of the high seas which I will stock with hip hop divas and super models and or maybe local girls from the junior college who have never been on a boat before. Something about being at sea with girls in bikinis that gets a man to thinking about good times. Especially once you hit international waters and I'm pretty sure there are no rules about asking before oiling booties. I'm not super clear on the laws, but I think that's right. Either way, Naomi, Cassie, if you feel strange greasy hands, that'd be me. Please don't kick. Enjoy.

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Resident Evil 2

Where do you go after Resident Evil? It was the game that gave birth to survival horror, freaky-ass mutant baby with six asses as it was. Capcom’s 1996 classic needed a great follow up. More monsters lurking in dingy corridors, more dogs suddenly careening through windows to make you foul yourself. More nonsensical freaking puzzles with cranks.

So, where do you go? The same damn place a couple months into the future, that’s where. It’s not exactly far-flung, but it’ll do. Hold on to your gonads, Resident Evil 2 is coming at you.
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