Penelope Cruz, Paz Vega, Spanish Topless Hotties In El Especial Mr. Skin Playlist (VIDEO)

 

If you've known me for a week, let alone since the dawn of time, you know I love two things: my family and hot Iberian women. Even between those, there is one I can live without. Sorry, mom. But let's be realistic. Penelope Cruz and Paz Vega and their sextastic peers, that beats your Thanksgiving turkey.

Egotastic Readers, 3-Days Free of Mr. Skin for the Price of None, That's a Bargain

Our friends at Mr. Skin are celebrating lovely Latin ladies and their fondness for Egotastic! Readers by offering you this must watch Spanish hotties video playlist along with a 3-Day Free Trial Membership to Mr. Skin. I dig the good folks at Mr. Skin. They have a deep understanding of all the things we love. They've got celebrity flesh up the wazoo.

Check out the Latinas. Check out Mr. Skin. Find yourself 19% more happy than you were before. That's an approximation, it could go as high as shit-eating grin status. Enjoy.

Ashley Greene Wicked Hot in Women’s Health for Men’s Health Too (Get That Heart Rate Up, Gentleman)

There was a time when we regularly peeked at sextastic thespianic Ashley Greene. Historians refer to this period formally as the Age of Great Erections. Then she kind of went away for a while. Who knows. Romance, private times, reclusive desires, break from work. I do not know. But every now and then the talented Ms. Greene returns to us in some heavenly form to remind us of those golden ages. Such as this short but sweet pictorial in Women's Health magazine. I'm not expert in women's health, but Ashley Greene sure looks glowing and healthy to me. Also hot, which I think is the better part of good health.

Ashley, I can't stand the thought of you going away ever again. Could you maybe find it in your heart to appear before the cameras more often in even less? I'm asking on behalf of a grateful world. Either way, no hard feelings. Well, okay, harder if you say yes. You are so damn hot. Enjoy.

Humpday Huzzah! Abbey Barnsley Topless Poolside Plump Plum Exhibition

 

Sometimes you just need a little roundball in your life. Or perfectly round funbags of glamour models such as Abbey Barnsley who might appeal to you if you happen to dig blonde British girls with noteworthy curves who slink and preen poolside. So, maybe some of you, if not all. Abbey doesn't necessarily fit into the au natural stepped out of the shower nature girl, but she fits rather neatly into numerous happy times dreams I have regarding myself, a hot stacked blonde, and a date for the finest restaurant in town we never quite make. Which works out well for me on two fronts, since I can't possibly afford the finest restaurant in town. I have to go into my change cup just to get the double double at In & Out.

On Wednesday's, we celebrate the gift of the hot middle of the week and that blessed terrain on fine female form from whence so many dreams are inspired. Really, who would want to grow up to be a man in  a world without ta-ta's? I just shuddered down to my soul, briefly, but profoundly. Nay, I'll take the planet where the likes of Abbey Barnsley flashes her blessed mammaries simply because it makes the world smile. Huzzah!

Katie Price Goes Massive Cleavage for De Minimis Book Launch

Ah, Katie Price. Model, reality star, and noted author. Well, noted as having the largest yams of anybody who's ever put out more than a half dozen or so books perhaps. I'm not sure Katie writes them, I'm quite sure I will never read them, but that doesn't mean we can't rejoice in the display of ta-ta's she puts on every single time she puts another tome out in into the Amazon world. I'll say this for Katie, she knows how to get the press to show up for her announcements.

Katie's new book is called Make My Wish Come True. I'm going to go ahead and state that unless her wish is to have a Yankee blogger motorboat her for five minutes then ask if she has any crackers, I probably can't oblige. I'm sure the deeper meaning is between the covers. I'll leave it to you to decipher as I sit here and gladly allow gravity to direct my eyeball orbitals in the direction of her massive mammary. There's no hobby quite like reading. Enjoy.

 

Kelly Brook Boobtastic Hotness Seeps Through Her 2015 Calendar

It's hot sexy calendar time. Yes, that's all year round, but naturally it peaks during purchase period time from October through December when every man makes the most important decision of his life -- whose blessed ta-ta's shall I look at every morning in the coming year. Thankfully, we have big walls and big hearts here at Egotastic, so we don't have to choose from just one among so many wonderful options. However, if we had to choose, you can bet Kelly Brook would make the finalists cut.

Kelly Brook has been bringing tingles to annual calendars for about a decade now. She's an institution in hottie wall visions of glorious chests. While she doesn't go nekkid in her shoots, the advantage is you don't need to remove content from your wall when Aunt Myrtle steps in to see why you never call. Of course, you can't stand Aunt Myrtle, which is why you never call, but I'd recommend going with the more vague 'I'm just so crazy busy' followed by some inaudible mumbles. Then gently guide her to the door so you can once more be alone with your Kelly Brook calendar.

‘South Park Pinball,’ You Say? Hell Yes, We’re Down For That (VIDEO)

South Park Pinball
Who could refuse?

Zen Studios’ Zen Pinball 2 is probably among the greatest pinball video games of our time. I don’t say this because a member of Zen’s lawyertastic has a pistol to my gonads and the cold, dead eyes of a maniac/reality TV contestant. I say it because it’s darn well true.

These sorcerous bastards seem to have that magic formula: getting the damn physics of pinball right for once and having a great crop of tables. Everything from Plants vs Zombies to Star Wars has had its own themed table, all designed really well.

The game’s major shortcoming, though, has been its lack of Cartman. Or Cheesy Poofs. Or Mr. Hankey the Christmas turd. Or questionable jokes about ethnic minorities. But fear not, gentlemen. To right this egregious wrong, a South Park-centric double pack is on its way to the game.

Whether you’re playing on the regular or the The Butters Show table, you know what you’re getting. Skill shots involving firing the ball into a toilet, Randy growing extra reward balls, and every freaking reference to the show these guys can fit on our TV screens. This, we can get on board with. Take a look above.

Via Destructoid.

First Trailer for ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron’ to Premiere During ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’

Just a few weeks ago there was a rumor going around that the first trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron would premiere before screenings of Christopher Nolan's highly anticipated Interstellar. However, today I'm really glad I didn't write a post about that rumor, because it turns out the first Age of Ultron trailer will actually premiere on ABC during next week's episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

The exact date and time, in case you want to plug it into your phone and set a little reminder for yourself, is Tuesday, October 28, at 9/8c.

The announcement was made last night, as the credits rolled for this week's episode. It was then followed up with confirmation tweets from the official Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Avengers Twitter accounts.

Of course, this actually makes all the sense in the world when you think about it. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is a spinoff of the Avengers franchise (without all the awesome superheroes) centered around Agent Coulson, a somewhat important character from the films. Why the hell wouldn't Marvel and their Disney overlords debut the new Avengers trailer during that show? It might actually get non-hardcore nerds to watch it...assuming they don't realize they can just watch the thing online about 10 minutes after it airs.

[via Hero Complex]