Miley Cyrus Flashing Something Something Pulled Up Something on Stage Down Rio Way

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking at in terms of Miley Cyrus sucking her orange body suit up into her lady cavity down Rio way on her Bangerz tour. There's a little bit of shadow and stage lighting effect that makes it seem like Miley's gone completely cooch hungry and showing off in Brazil where such things are considered more artistic and perhaps less illegal than here in the States. Suffice it to say, I think this goes beyond anything Jim Morrison got busted for during his drugged up public exhibitions.

Miley really is owning the globe now with her mini circus show and her revealing costumes and pre-fabbed songs and running around the stage showing off her every part. It'd be easy to mock it, but it's been wildly successful. So I guess you can still mock it and Miley can still not care because she takes home a piece. And shows off many pieces on stage. And everybody there seems to be reveling in her silly excess, so, I say, no harm, no foul. Though I would like a better diagnosis on what I'm seeing in this photo. Enjoy.

Ashley Lee Hot Pimping Bottled Water by Way of Sextastic Revealing Swimsuit

I'm already past tired of this weird 138 bottled water shitck. But will I ever tire of seeing hot bodied models posing with their flesh festivals on the beach in Malibu? Nay, I shall not. Never I suppose. Not when the likes of Asian hottie Ashley Lee is working her bodacious body in support of this silly merchandising venture. There's nothing silly about a revealing black swimsuit on a curvy hot woman twisting and preening for the cameras. I'm not laughing. I'm mostly just making a serious face to cover potential embarrassments here in the office.

Ashley Lee, whatever you're selling, I'm buying. Though on principle I will not pay more than about fifty cents for a bottle of water seeing as how it comes free from the sky. Well, not since 2011 in Los Angeles, but in other places, I've heard tale of rain. If only girls like Ashley Lee rained down from the heavens, I'd be the first to look up at the sky and stick out my tongue. Enjoy.

Stupid Crap Sold On Coupon Sites: Suzy Kuzy Beer Mitt

I've never understood the beer koozy. I like an ice cold beer as much as anyone but I've never felt that the beer koozy actually helps keep beer cold. I often go to a friend or family member's home and am given a beer in a koozy. I accept it because I know it is done from a place of wanting to maximize my enjoyment of the beer. Whatever, I'll live with it. But the beer koozy is a summer accessory usually. I'm not sure why. If anything the beer koozy makes more sense in the winter when it is cold and uncomfortable to hold an icy cold beer in your hand. Enter the Suzy Kuzy Beer Mitt. It's a mitten with a hole to put your beer. One might ask why you need a special mitten to hold your beer. I mean, if you just have a pair of gloves on you are by definition protecting your hand from the cold. Groupon says,

"This half-glove, half-beer koozie mitt keeps beverages cold and fingers warm, making it the perfect accessory for outdoor tailgate parties."

This seems like a waste of money, but what do I know? Get it here.

Charlotte Springer Topless on One Lucky Balcony Floor

 

If you know the goodness that is Charlotte Springer you know darn well that her little top is coming off at some point to reveal her tremendous bodily assets beneath. Not that she isn't a stunning woman while clad, but like most stunning women, she becomes whatever that word is beyond stunning when she removes her top and her perfectly ripe beaches dangle toward my fantasyland.

Charlotte Spring is one of those ladies that makes me happy to have been born on this particular planet in this particular era. You won't get this kind of thrill from being a single-celled moss like organism on Neptune. Although I suppose happiness is all in the eye of the beholder with a heavy touch of relativity. Nevertheless, Charlotte's glorious springers bring my cosmic tingles of the finest order. Long may she wave, especially in that all fours position. Enjoy.

Emily Ratajkowski Hotness Hits the Big Time in Cosmo

Somebody's star is certainly rising. And deservedly so. Emily Ratajkowski now makes the cover of Cosmo magazine, which is pretty huge if you're a model with huge sextastic talents. I'd like to think we played some role in making Emily into a household, if not bathroom private time, name, though I suspect 99% of the credit must go to her superior genetics. If you managed to catch Emily in her extensive 'hacked' work, you noted she is pretty much perfect all over. Um, yes, did I mention all over?

Emily is one of those women who just stuns you from the moment you first lay peeps upon her, and then it just never ever stops. It's like that sensation when you taste your favorite food after a long absence and you're entire body just becomes happy. Only this is one wicked hot bodied crazy good looking woman, so it's even better than your favorite burger ever. There's meat and then there's flesh. Never the former shall triumph. Congratulations, Emily. I knew this was possible from the moment I first drooled looking at you. Enjoy.

 

Anais Zanotti Bikini Body Perfection on the Shores of Miami

When Anais Zanotti comes out to bikini play, she comes to win. There's not an single angle of her where you don't see a taunt to the potential competition, bring it on other bikini clad hotties, because my body will kick your body's ass. Or, maybe smooch it softly to candlelight if this were a perfect world.

Anais has simply perfected the fine art of fine bikini booties on the beach in Miami. That's no easy field to dominate. The hot thumpers along that piece of shoreline originating from all parts of the world is tremendous. But Anais more than holds her own. Oh, that I could hold her own as well. That is so high on my bucket list. Anais, just a squeeze for a gentleman ogler who needs a happy checkmark? Dare to dream when your fantasy girl struts right by in a tiny bikini. Enjoy.

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Gentlemen, you’ll probably need to be sitting down for this revelation. Against all odds, Wii U has a second game to be assed about on the horizon. After the success of Mario Kart 8, Smash Bros. is now coming. Who knows, the console may not die in a defeated heap of gimmicky shame after all.

The acclaimed party/brawler is due to arrive this holiday season, with the 3DS version released this very week. So it’s a good time to take another big ol’ steaming dump on the word ‘retro’, and take a look back at the previous installment in the series.
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