Lex Jurgen - July 10, 2017
Iggy Azalea huddled with crisis managers who gave her the idea to think low rent during her rebuild. A simple bit of genius. Most MTV demo pop stars shamed from the circuit attempt to come back with some high-minded 2.0. In contrast, Azalea's spent the better part of the past month in ass-less latex chaps not uttering a word. This is Eminem post-opioid addiction. Here's my music. No comments. Though Azalea doesn't write music, so simply, here's my ass. No comments. Though PayPal, obviously.
The albino rapper took to the stage of Univision's Premios Junventad, Youth Awards show, where she was unlikely to have to answer any questions. No hablo espanol. I'm sorry. Keep staring at my ass. I put in a soap dispenser. You should see what happens when I fart. Yell "ICE raid!" if in a pickle.
For health reasons, Azalea might've been better off staying in hiding after her cuckolded engagement fail, tour cancelations, endless Twitter wars, weird plastic surgery denials, and assisting Britney Spears to her only commercially failed single ever. But the limelight is too powerful. Also, department store makeup counter jobs are drying up. So she's back.
There's nothing wrong with marketing yourself as a blond sex mannequin. The same people making silicone jokes would give their left nut to fuck you and hear your costume rubber squeak. It's not a nothing skill to collect money from people because you're weird looking but still make their dick hard. Think of the women with the same limited talent who don't have the fuckable thing going for them. They're your fans. It's called symbioses, and it's rarely pretty.
Photo Credit: Getty
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