Sam Robeson - October 6, 2017
The product of a trash compactor and a bottle of Viagra, Bella Thorne, is mostly a vagina with just a very haphazard body built around it as an afterthought, and while talking to StyleCaster, she revealed that her vag is hungry for Kristen Stewart, Demi Lovato, and Camila Cabello. Oh, you don't remember? The girl who would douche with lighter fluid if she thought it would increase her Instagram followers recently bravely came out as bisexual, and since nobody cared or believed her, she's now divulging the female celebrities she'd pork:
Demi Lovato. That’s an obvious one. I love Demi. We’re close. She’s amazing, just such a beautiful person inside and out. Love everything she stands for.
We hear ya. You like 'em fat. While those comments could maybe kinda come from a normal twenty-year-old whose puss doesn't need Ritalin, Thorne's next comments regarding enchantress Kristen Stewart make me feel like she's seen too much in her life:
I’m like, ‘Please.’ She’s so hot. Oh. My. God. You put on those fucking Converse, girl. You put on that rock shirt, and you come to mommy. I literally love Kristen Stewart.
Or maybe she's seen the perfect amount. It's like every time she opens her mouth the entire Osbourne family falls out. Thorne didn't quite feel like she got the point across that she has a game of Hungry Hippos between her legs, so she continued to talk about some potential suitor with:
To this person, I was like, ‘Hey, I follow you on Insta,’ and he was, like, ‘Oh, you want the Insta follow-back?’ And I was like, ‘No, I really just want the DM, if you know what I’m saying, DM me, bro. Come at me.’ I’m pretty honest.
I would say that Thorne should take a long hard look at herself and plan for her future, but I'm pretty damn sure at this point she doesn't have much of one.
Photo Credit: Bibi Deitz