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Hot Pockets Officially Gross

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bill-swift - February 20, 2014

There has been a massive recall of Hot Pockets because they are apparently filled with bad meat. Nestle, the company that owns Hot Pockets, pulled the delicious microwavable treats from store shelves because the meat in them was from "diseased and unsound animals". I'm not sure what an 'unsound' animal is but it can't possibly be good. The mind starts to speculate. Is it cat? Rat? Euthanized dog? I'm not sure. What I do know is that today I'm thinking about all of the Hot Pockets I've eaten in my life. The answer is a lot. For those of us that came of age in the 90's there was no better after school snack than a steaming Hot Pocket. Sure, they were about a million degrees when the first came out of the microwave. They got so hot that the contents literally, (not figuratively), turned from a solid and into plasma like on the surface of the sun. But once it cooled down...sublime.

Not that I've eaten a Hot Pocket in years. When you get to a certain age, IE. after college, you must set aside Hot Pockets and Totino's Pizza Rolls. When you are young and your body and bowels can take that level of abuse it's one thing. I'm pretty sure that my 36 year old body would implode from the ass out if I ate a Hot Pocket. Especially now that it's filled with leprous horses.

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