jhanson - June 8, 2016
People are excited about a Hillary Clinton presidency they same way they are about a car wash. Let's get this over with. Her ardent supporters are either ill informed or keenly aware that she's a corporate shill whose first order of business will be relaxing some pesky Wall Street regulations. You don't make $250,000 for giving a twenty minute speech to Goldman Sachs without a few strings attached. It's a bribe. Seriously, how fucking good was that speech?
Louis CK can't make more than $50,000 for a show and he's much better at it. Being publicly traded, the media has deemed her the clear favorite, going so far as to proclaim she won the nomination the day before a major set of primaries. It's pretty transparent but who gives a shit they stopped being subtle around the time Khloe Kardashian leaked enema juice out of her asshole as a television segment. Her recent She's With Us rally drew support from a rag tag group of carefully selected brown people such as Eva Longoria, Ricky Martin, Jamie Foxx, John Legend, and Stevie Wonder. It was a real meeting of the minds. You can just picture Eva Longoria perched over a computer with reading glasses looking over Hillary's foreign policy record at 3 am. Or you're just transfixed by the possibility of posting disingenuous schlock on Facebook about someone with a vagina getting a cool job.
A lot of presidents have been dicks. This one would be a cunt. Let's go with asshole as it's gender neutral. If you give a shit what Ricky Martin thinks you're losing at life. The cheese plate was fucking incredible.
Photo Credit: SnapChat
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