‘Haydee’ Is The Norkiest Robo-Boobs Game You’ll Find On Steam

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chris-littlechild - September 29, 2016

  It’s the number 1, universal rule of marketing and PRtastic everywhere: Sex sells. This isn’t really something you can tap into if you’re hawking, say, those adult diapers nursing homes have for their incontinent residents, but otherwise, it’s a sure thing. 

That’s just human nature. Ad guys and gals have tried all kinds of things to get at our cashtacular over the years, but nothing works quite as well as good ol’ T & A. From cleavage thumbnails on YouTube videos to ‘Fifty Hottest Ballsack-Bulgy Beach Trunks-Hunks’ headlines on womens’ magazines, this is the way of the world.

On that note, let’s take an ogle at one of Steam’s hottest (in every sense of the word, natch) games just now. Ego-friends, meet Haydee.

This title sells itself on Steam as ‘a hardcore old-style metroidvania mixed with modern-day third person shooter and platformer mechanics. As well as a sexy character.’ Now, I’m as much of a TPS fan as the next guy (probably a whole damn lot more, depending on who said guy is, because I love myself a good TPS), but I think I'm seeing one main factor in the game’s success right there. And it’s not the platformer mechanics.

On to the sexy character, then. The star of the show is a humanoid robo-lady with the kind of ridiculous giganto-norks you rarely see outside of Japanese porn. She’s also wearing a teeny thong, because of course she is. There are lots of climbing-over-waist-height-walls sections, during which the camera zooms so close into dat ass you can probably see what Haydee had for robo-breakfast that morning.

All in all, it’s not especially mystifying why this one’s a hit with horny horndogs everywhere. According to the reviews, there’s a decent, challenging game under the super-jiggly surface, a Ye Olde Resident Evil journey of inventory management and limited ammo, so that’s a plus too. For more snark on this one and its terrible breast physics, hit Kotaku.

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