chris-littlechild - September 29, 2016
Â Itâ€™s the number 1, universal rule of marketing and PRtastic everywhere: Sex sells. This isnâ€™t really something you can tap into if youâ€™re hawking, say, those adult diapers nursing homes have for their incontinent residents, but otherwise, itâ€™s a sure thing.Â
Thatâ€™s just human nature. Ad guys and gals have tried all kinds of things to get at our cashtacular over the years, but nothing works quite as well as good olâ€™ T & A. From cleavage thumbnails on YouTube videos to â€˜Fifty Hottest Ballsack-Bulgy Beach Trunks-Hunksâ€™ headlines on womensâ€™ magazines, this is the way of the world.
On that note, letâ€™s take an ogle at one of Steamâ€™s hottest (in every sense of the word, natch) games just now. Ego-friends, meet Haydee.
This title sells itself on Steam as â€˜a hardcore old-style metroidvania mixed with modern-day third person shooter and platformer mechanics. As well as a sexy character.â€™ Now, Iâ€™m as much of a TPS fan as the next guy (probably a whole damn lot more, depending on who said guy is, because I love myself a good TPS), but I thinkÂ I'm seeingÂ one main factor in the gameâ€™s success right there. And itâ€™s not the platformer mechanics.
On to the sexy character, then. The star of the show is a humanoid robo-lady with the kind of ridiculous giganto-norks you rarely see outside of Japanese porn. Sheâ€™s also wearing a teeny thong, because of course she is. There are lots of climbing-over-waist-height-walls sections, during which the camera zooms so close into dat ass you can probably see what Haydee had for robo-breakfast that morning.
All in all, itâ€™s not especially mystifying why this oneâ€™s a hit with horny horndogs everywhere. According to the reviews, thereâ€™s a decent, challenging game under the super-jiggly surface, a Ye Olde Resident Evil journey of inventory management and limited ammo, so thatâ€™s a plus too. For more snark on this one and its terrible breast physics, hit Kotaku.