Happy Sextastic 23rd Birthday To Selena Gomez!

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bill-swift - July 24, 2015

Okay, so I was a day late for the birthday of my belusted Latina diva Selena Gomez. Does that make me some kind of horrible boyfriend she doesn't even knows exist? Perhaps. Nobody got upset when I forget my mom's birthday this year. This seems like a double standard. Perhaps I just wanted to wait until she had opened up her 367,430 gifts from friends and fans and one obligatory Taylor Swift shoutout before giving her my own personally selected gift. I can't tell you what it is, Selena, but it's big, it's in my pocket, and it has your name on it. And don't think that didn't hurt a wee bit at the tattoo parlor.

In honor of Selena's feliz cumpleanos and turning twenty-three, I put together a few of my favorite photos of the brunette minx. Forgetting all her horrible past relationship choices and only remembering the times she made me feel all warm and special inside merely by looking so hot and alluring on her outsides. Happy Birthday, Selena. Yes, that's me jumping out of your cake. No, that's not frosting. Enjoy.

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