Lex Jurgen - January 25, 2017
Edward Majerczyk took a plea deal of nine months in prison for stealing photo and video content from over three hundred celebrity and non-celebrity people dumb enough to fall for his amateur hour phishing email, most notably Jennifer Lawrence. Majerczyk sent out a bogus letter claiming to be from a major ISP asking for individuals to provide their username and password. Hmm. They already know my name is "sir" and know that I'm with Comcast, this must be legit. What do I win?
Majerczyk relied on a legal defense of being super pathetic and depressed. Not to mention his consonant heavy last name which probably excluded him from every Evite ever:
[Mr. Majerczyk] suffers from depression and looked to pornography websites and internet chat rooms in an attempt to fill some of the voids and disappointment he was feeling in his life.
A few guys on the jury probably start weeping empathetically during that confessional. No wonder the prosecution offered up a no brainer sweet plea deal against a potential five year sentence. Majerczyk's attorneys went on to note their client has suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since the hacking scandal. A bit of overkill. You were notably the criminal actor in this little escapade.
Federal agents testified that Jennifer Lawrence broke down in tears after her nudes got out. The actress referred to herself as a victim of a sex crime. Though nothing as heinous as being paid only ten million for American Hustle. Majerczyk's 299 other victims probably said something too but they weren't tight with the Obamas who got the FBI onto this case on behalf of Lawrence.
The lesson to be learned here clearly, stick with the anonymous free porn sites. Check for the 18 and over compliance disclaimers and you're likely to never have your parents yell down the stairs to you that the FBI is at the door.
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