elliot-wolf - January 17, 2019
Georgia Toffolo looks untamable in the water. What a wild woman. I need to know where she’s at and why I wasn’t invited. For the record Georgia, I’d like for you to never leave home without me like my name was American Express. I’m useful and accepted everywhere. Her life would improve ten times the moment she decides to keep me around. So it seems that I’ll have to do a little convincing. I can list my top three beach uses. First use: if you look at my belly, I am very buoyant. Not to be confused with flamboyant. Although I do love colorful swimming trunks just as much as the next guy. But there’s nothing worse that going to the beach and forgetting your surf or boogie board. On the days that happens, she can just ride me in the water instead.
Second use: I can carry heavy objects with ease. Have you ever seen anyone carry a beach umbrella, bag full of books, blankets, towels, sunscreen, and a lady in his arms all at the same time? No. Well it’s because you haven’t seen me yet. Third use: I have excellent beach conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with the nice weather that we’re having. You haven’t lived life until you’ve talked about the brush strokes of the kid’s paintings at the county fair. Why talk about Picasso when you can talk about the next possible Picasso. Yeah, there’s no way Toffolo can avoid me after hearing all that I’m good for.
Photo Credit: Splash News / MEGA