Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Nintendo Wants to FREAKING KILL US This Holiday Season

As we know, the tabloids hate video games. Games are the cause of any and all of society's ills. These guys have a field day when they hear that the latest ghastly-ass serial killer was a Grand Theft Auto or Manhunt player.

The recent furore over Hatred is proof enough. Tasteless murder-em-ups just can't get a break.

You'd expect to find Nintendo at the opposite end of the spectrum. When was the last time you saw Mario with a hooker, or flipping off his boss, or throwing grandma under the wheels of a speeding SUV? Never, that's when. These family-friendly funsters have no effing time for that sort of thing.

But that doesn't stop them getting the shitty end of the press stick. When the 3DS was released, Merry Olde England's newspapers couldn't stop bitching about it. That 3D effect would melt your goddamn eyeballs, they promised. This week, we're having a hyperbole-tastic holiday with a little more BS from the Daily Mail.

Nintendolife brings us this report from a British medical journal, which concludes that a Wii may --may-- be a safe gift this Christmas (assuming that there's anyone still buying the damn thing by this point). But you'll have to take care, as ‘several life-threatening conditions can be triggered by your console.' Hernias, incontinence and 'Nintendo Neck' after the jump.

Yes indeed. Among other things, the newspaper wants to remind us of ‘the case of two children suffering from incontinence after playing Super Mario Bros. for too long, and a case of 'Nintendo neck' after a youngster played their Game Boy for an excessive amount of time. Plenty of the cases refer to the Wii, of course, with severe instances including strokes, surgery for a hernia and a "massive chest bleed" for a player that got carried away and fell while playing Wii Sports.'

Now, I don't know how in the name of balls you'd wind up with a ‘massive chest bleed' from playing Wii. Much less shit yourself after too much Super Mario Bros. At worst, you could become one of those dumbasses who put their wiimote through the TV during an over-enthusiastic Wii Tennis swing. But that's why you put that condom thing on the ‘mote and wear the wriststrap.

Be safe this Christmas, Ego-friends. Heed the Daily Mail's warning, and take care with Nintendo and their Satan-products.

The Daily Mail, via Nintendolife.