Rebecca Burger Whipped Creamed to Death

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Lex Jurgen - June 22, 2017

Even the attractive social media fitness models among us will die some day. You can only hope the French chicks with nice asses splashed with bidet water will linger longer than the rest.

Rebecca Burger became the first person known to perish from a defective whipped cream canister. The canister in question has apparently been publicized as dangerous for many years, but in France they don't like to recall products. Too judgmental. So dozens of people have felt the sting of the pumped up whipped cream dispensers shattering in their hands.

Burger apparently took a fragment to the chest at a speed great enough to send her into cardiac arrest. That randomly rare thorax blow that stops the heart. Like the one unfortunate Little League pitcher who dies every few years from a line drive to the exact wrong place at the exact wrong time.

There are currently a thousand Islamists in no-go zones in Paris plotting the bloody demise of innocents. Why the cold hand of Fate chose to take out a hot bikini model remains a mystery of the universe. Discounting the lactose intolerance of North Africans, naturally.


Photo Credit: Instagram