Katy Cocktease is in the news today complaining about how Russell Brand was so super cold in breaking up their marriage. I'm supposing Russell probably has a different story to tell. I know with divorced couples it's like one of those TV cops show mysteries where two people who witnessed the same event saw two completely different things.

What remains more undeniable about our favorite (or most stressful) cocktease celebrity is that she shows up big for big events and pictorials. Including her current spread in the new edition of Vogue magazine, definitely rated PG, but still, the pop diva shows the tools of why she is of great interest to all of you in the first place. She's a very good looking woman. A very good looking woman who won't show us her hooters, to be precise. Alas. Enjoy.

I can imagine myself with Mellisa Clarke, anywhere, anytime, doing anything.

Of course, I do have some top ten type favorite scenarios involving furry costumes and boats lost at sea and such, but I really find this alt-brunette model so incredibly passion inducing, I could eat Ramen with her in a barf-covered living room and be truly happy. I know this because I've done the same with girls who do not compare to Mellisa in any way and was still reasonably content. But, Mellisa Clarke in her little pink panties and not much else, wow, I wouldn't even need the Ramen to make that a lifetime memorable moment.

On Ta-Ta-Tuesdays we like to celebrate the breast and brightest in our fair lands. Mellisa Clarke is not just a princess in these parts, she's the queen. Enjoy.

More than a nip slip really, a solid bit of melon exhibited by our heavily belusted hottie, Doutzen Kroes, when shooting out in New York City, and obviously wearing no bra.

Now, we hate bras more than any woman does, I assure you. So we were quite pleased at the sight of the teat of the most underrated of the Victoria's Secret angels. Doutzen Kroes deserves all the attention she gets, whether flashing or not. Though, flashing really is the preferred method, natch. Enjoy.

DOUTZEN KROES OFTEN COMES CLOSE TO FLASHING HER TOP IN PHOTOS

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While Joanna Krupa is newly married to a nightclub investor (which doesn't sound shady at all) and Kendra Wilkinson is married to an ex-NFL player turned handbag holder, both wives love to get attention for their chestal regions, leading to a little cleave-off over this past weekend.

Joanna was at BOA Steakhouse celebrating with her newlywed husband and showing off her model body...

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Two women, two separate purposes, two sets of very fine and full funbags. Enjoy.

Here's a hint as to Courtney Stodden and her new chest size: Double Dutch. Yep, bigguns her senior citizen husband can now attempt to manhandle in the bedroom after nap time. It's been well documented that Courtney was previously performing without any surgical enhancements, just pulleys and cables. Now, she has the real thing. Well, the real fake ones.

Check out the exclusive Courtney Stodden boob job surgery video and photos at our good and indecent friends at WWTDD.com

Photo credit: Coleman-Rayner

Oh, how Helen Flanagan, the full-bosomed cleavetastic British soap star has become a favorite of ours around here these past couple of years. But, as much as Helen shows, she is cautious to never reveal too much in her sextastic candids and posed photos. But in these newly released photos from our friends at Nuts magazine, we seem to see something anatomical on Helen we had really not seen before. As always, we shall let you be the judge.

In any and all circumstances, Helen Flanagan remains a cheeky gal with brilliant cheeks that we would love to have in our hot tub for a soak. And, by hot tub, I do mean a small pail of warm water station in the center of my boudoir to help heal the bruised and tired parts after epic minutes of making of the sexy time. My lust is short-lived, but powerful. Enjoy.

While not everybody in Brazil is seemingly happy about the financial situation regarding the upcoming 2014 World Cup in Brazil, soccer fans and fans of hot Brazilian women with major league booties are reveling in the pending festivities. I'd count myself in both those camps. And to get us started an entire year early, Brazilian bombshell brunette model Aline Bernardes has slipped into something a little more comfortable, a tiny booty-baring bikini, to give a quick sneak peek at the half-built main World Cup stadium.

Now, I know you're not supposed to use your hands in the sport of soccer, but staring at Aline and that bodacious dumper of hers, well, I'm inclined to commit a few flagrant fouls upon myself in or around the nets. I can not wait for Brazil 2014. The Egotastic! Winnebago is already gassed up and ready to go. Enjoy.

SOCCER DOES TEND TO BRING OUT THE BOOBTASTIC HOTTIES

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We had a rather rousing, short-lived discussion in the office here yesterday over who has nicer melons, Kate Upton or Kelly Brook. Hey, this is what we talk about here during our downtime. So, it's just like our uptime. I say short-lived discussion because after yesterday, we had the best, clearest view of the amazing Kelly Brook funbags ever seen before, while we remain completely devoid of anything closely posed and topless for Kate Upton. So the verdict remains in doubt. Sadly so. Though hopefully not for long.

Featured once more in the Choppers summer campaign mini-pictorial, the Kate Upton tremendous boobage almost fell out of her bikini top, a bittersweet reminder that as sweet as her flesh puppies are in our lives, there will always be some hint of emptiness in our hearts until we see those sextastic suckers flapping free in the midday sun. Anticipation, it really does kill your slowly. Enjoy.

Move over Angus Young, I think I just bumped you from my list of all-time favorite guitar players, quite in favor of the belusted India Reynolds flashing her axe and her twin cans of goodness in this month's Loaded magazine.

Now, I wouldn't normally put topless sextastic women playing instruments as my favorite fantasy land motif, but I must say, seeing the smoking hot brunette, few clothes, and her six-string, well, I'm starting to have some rocker chick fantasies like you would not believe. Or, you probably would actually if you're already here. Enjoy.

Heidi Klum really has been experiencing something of a hotness renaissance since she dumped her husband and started sleeping with her bodyguard. I'm not suggesting every woman out there do the same, unless, of course, you are one of my bodyguard service clients and you're hot, but it seems to have worked for Heidi.

She's showing skin-revealing at major upscale events the past several months, including just a fancy evening out in the meatpacking district in N.Y., flashing some sweet side views of her tall veteran model body frame.

Of course, we would always like to see much more of Heidi. And here's to hoping she takes another one of her European beach holidays where she gets in the spirit of removing her top for an almost all over tan. But until that time, we shall continue to imagine straps falling off her shoulders. Enjoy.

I'd like to say we're all lucky today for a chance to see the hot body of model Amanda Frances barely covered for an SI India photoshoot. But since she's not she-banging actor Chris Pine, I'm going to have to say that he is a little bit more lucky than the rest of us today.

Not that I'm not delighting in an up and down gaze upon this wicked frame of the young model with a body that seems to be built for pleasure and business. And this pictorial really deserves a little credit in the sextastic creativity department.

Still, it might be nice to be the captain of her enterprise one day, or one hour, and go where, yeah, I suppose a few men have gone before. That's it, I'm out of Star Trek puns already. Enjoy.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Latina model Carmen Ortega can make any outfit a mere barely covering of her bodacious boobtastic and body. We're used to seeing her in skimpy little outfits and bikinis, but even in this striking full length green dress, she manages to make us believe that she's completely nekkid. At least, I believe it. I can even see it if I close my eyes.

Carmen Ortega has all the tools to be a true force in the sextastic celebrity circuit. But no tools greater than the ability to take off her clothes entirely and tell the photographer to start snapping away. I hope she opts for that choice soon, for as much as we encourage flexing the imagination muscle here, let's be honest, it's so much easier to just go straight from eyeball to, well, other similar shaped anatomical objects. Enjoy.

WE'RE MORE FAMILIAR WITH CARMEN ORTEGA IN A BIKINI

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And you said all my silly candle lightings and wishing upon falling stars was childish whimsy. Who's laughing now as we gaze upon our heavily belusted and curvaceous Kelly Brook topless and full frontal on the beach in Cancun.

I honestly think I might cry.

Kelly Brook and her funbags o' plenty are just magnificent displays of passion inducing mammaries. As you know, I've already vowed to live out my golden years in the ample cleavage of the sextastic British model. Now I realize I might be getting some sun myself on certain vacation occasions.

Oh, happy days when Kelly Brook reveals her beautiful melons with a fun cheeky smile. I feel like a kid in a candy store, the best candy store ever! Enjoy.

Teen Mom is back and bigger than ever! Well, bigger in at least two places since her recent upgrade in size surgery.

Moving up to a full-D-size funbag size a couple weeks ago, Farrah Abraham took her new bigger girls out for their first exposed public appearance at the Sapphire pool in Vegas, pimping hard for the establishment and drawing raves reviews, or at least some serious cat-calls, about her newly engorged hooters. It was quite the scene.

Love 'em or leave 'em, there's no denying that a girl with melons larger than her home state tends to draw the eyeballs, especially when clad in a tiny-sized bikini. So, I'd say, the promotion was definitely a successful. As for Farrah and her new life with the big D's, well, much remains to be seen, as it were. Enjoy.

CHECK OUT THESE OLDER PHOTOS OF FARRAH TO SEE HER AT ORIGINAL SIZE

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Some shows are done for the season, and others are just starting up or coming back. It's the lifecycle of the boob tube, some must die so that others may flourish and flash their chests. And in this week's Boob Tube Roundup, we got a few old friends coming back to us.

This week's Roundup features the return of HBO's True Blood, truly one of the most breast-baring spectacles to ever hit the small screen. The opening episode of season six being no different with Jamie Gray Hyder and Kelly Overton flashing their bare bodies in a three-way undead scene. Also this week saw the return of the second season of Magic City, the 1950's R-rated gangster series on Starz and an extended nekkid touching scene from Meredith Ostrom. And, finally, the new BBC show, The White Queen, coming soon to Starz, opening up with an intense making of the sexy scene starring Rebecca Ferguson. Some new blood, as it were. And happy happy skin time. Enjoy.

I get nervous just thinking about the MuchMusic Awards in Toronto each year. If MTV and Billboard provide the height of craptastic pop music here in the U.S., MuchMusic takes it possibly even one step further into stinky sound land with their award show odes to horrible sounds and the goofy looking teens who make them. Still, I have a job to do, and it is often dirty, sometimes painful, but it's still my job to suss out the sextastic wherever and whenever it appears. And, once again last night, Taylor Swift stole the show.

Now, I know there are mixed feelings about Taylor Swift in these parts. But, for me, there's no denying that since her chest somehow got a little bigger and straighter earlier this year, Taylor has grown into all sorts of adult like hotness appearances at major media gatherings of late, including the very same MuchMusic Video Awards where she killed her competition in a skin tight dress. I'm going to say no panties as well. I have no idea. I just wanted to say (and think) that. Still quite hot. Enjoy.

We definitely have a major crush on Britty pop star and platinum blondie Rita Ora. She does like to show off. And, apparently, loves herself a decent meal, which is quite a difference from many of her fellow wafer thin celebrity peers.

We wouldn't throw a hot woman out of bed for eating crackers, let alone squishing our gonads with a ball peen hammer, so we wouldn't shoo away a fine lass like Rita just for having a little muffin top working. Just look at those curves wrapped in spandex, top and bottom, and you get an idea of how much soft and bouncy fun could be had after clothing peel-back time.

Finally, a girl who doesn't need a sandwich. Just some all over hugs. Enjoy.

RITA ORA LIKES TO SQUEEZE INTO SKINTIGHT NUMBERS

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Courtney Stodden's engorged ta-tas just got even bigger (Celebuzz)

A braless Rihanna gave clubgoers some busty sideboob (HuffPo)

Bottoms up to Sofia Vergara in a thong (TMZ)

What we would give to bang Chris Pine's model girlfriend (WWTDD)

This chick went from B to DD for a role (FOX News)

Nicole Scherzinger's curvy booty is busting out (Popoholic)

Top boob, side boob, under boob, so many boobs (The Chive)

There's a thing called the Daytime Emmy Awards. Think of it as the Emmy Awards, but strictly for unemployed heavier set people who watch a lot of TV during the day. To be fair, that group also includes relatively slender stoners, retired police officers, and working bartenders. Still, it's mostly shows most people have never heard of winning awards. Talk shows, judge shows, soaps, cooking and lifestyle shows, and yadda yadda yadda.

BUT, there is definitely something to be said for the hotness of some of the winners and attendees over the weekend, most notably the boobtastic faptastic displays put on by young busty Haley King, and veteran cleavetastic queen, Giada de Laurenttis. Both ladies brought some serious chest skin exhibition game to the award show. It's almost enough to make me want to take up daytime television watching. I do so love my couch and Bugles. Enjoy.

HAYLEY KING IS A SMALLER STARLET WITH BIG CHESTY DREAMS

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Wow, it's been almost six years now since we've seen then teenaged Big Love starlet Daveigh Chase prancing about in a bikini. Now Daveigh is all grown up and in her 20's and revealing some hints of her bare boobtastic beneath a knitted top without benefit of undergarments whilst departing the Chateau Marmont party over the weekend.

Now, you know we highly encourage attractive women with healthy udders to go commando, top and bottom, just for good graces. And for the brilliant effect often produced by low outside lighting and bright paparazzi bulb flashes. You owe yourself a close inspection of these photos. Enjoy.

DAVEIGH IN A BIKINI AS A HAPPY-GO-SEXY TEEN

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