I'll say this for Playboy Playmate turned professional working girl turned trophy girlfriend Victoria Silvstedt. She's not hard to spot. With her two ginormous beacons of hope on full display in the South oF France, Victoria single-handedly answered all her critics who say she's nothing more than a hot blonde with a mighty set of funbags by showing off her hot blonde locks and mighyt set of funbags.

Hey, in life, it's not important what you do, just that you're good at what you do. Victoria Silvstedt is still very good at what she does. Enjoy.

VICTORIA SILVSTEDT DOES UPSKIRTS QUITE UNIQUELY

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Oh, man, you know how much me and fifty million other guys so dig Mellisa Clarke. Every new pictorial that arrives from the alt-brunette glamour hottie is like a tingle up an entirely new nerve chain from the eyeballs down to the other places where the nervous system branches.

Featured in a spectacular red and black lingerie striptease show, Mellisa knows how to do very little, to say so very much with her spectacular body and her alluring girl-next-door-you-wish-really-existed looks. One total package of visual wonderment I can never wait to unwrap. Enjoy.

(Be sure to check out a ton more Mellisa Clarke on her official site.)

Vin Diesel is perhaps as well-known for his eloquence as he is for his ant-man arm guns. During Fast and Furious 6's whirlwind press tour, Diesel gave Moviefone the most insightful, carefully constructed, and in-depth review of his new film. Here it is, in all of its erudition:

It's the best movie in the world and it's a love story and it's baller status.

Boom. The best movie in the world. Ever. Forget Empire Strikes Back, forget Citizen Kane, forget John Ford's entire catalog, or anything else. He does seem closer to the mark on it's baller status -- everything points to FF6 being an outstanding pre-summer blockbuster. It has an effin' tank chase and a car blasting out the front of a cargo plane -- that's baller. Albeit, I have no idea actually what baller means. I'm from the suburbs

Fast and Furious 6 opens tomorrow. It's a love story, guys...a love story.

VIN AND MICHELLE BECAME QUITE HOT AND HEAVY DURING FF1 FILMING

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Once in a while we have to give a shoutout to the up and coming celebrities, well the ones who look as hot as Melissa Riso in her bikini during a photoshoot in Malibu yesterday.

Melissa is trying to crack her Hollywood nut as it were, having landed a few magazine covers, commercials, and making her way into some short films. Hard to predict where her star will finally land, but if she were on my casting couch, she'd do quite well. And, no, I don't mean sexual favors in exchange for jobs. Although I also don't not mean that. Hey, how do you think I got this job? Enjoy.

I REMEMBER WHEN NENA RISTIC INTRODUCED HERSELF HERE IN A BIKINI

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Scary Spice knows how to pose her bottomside in the general direction of camera lenses. As she did once more again on her yacht off the coast of Cannes. Melanie Brown might not have all the tools in her arsenal of a decade ago, but, make no mistake, she's still playing with some very heavily loaded guns.

Someday when I anchor my floating luxury vessel, the S.S. Sextastic, off the coast of France, it will be littered with the barely covered bodies and booties of some of the finest women in the world. And, then, you know, I'll probably wake up and find myself in my bathtub with my latest Superman comic bleeding ink into the water. I hate when that happens. Enjoy.

MELANIE BROWN'S ASSTASTIC IS NEVER FAR BEHIND HER 

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A collection of bikini-clad celebs of all ages (Celebuzz)

Jodi Arias, why do we find you so attractive? (WWTDD)

Yolanda Foster and her hot housewife-to-be daughter (TMZ)

Scarlett Johannson is Jersey-fine in new movie trailer (Popoholic)

It's time for another bra-burning Thursday (The Chive)

Soccer time with the WAGS of the Champions League final (COED Magazine)

Jennifer Aniston retrospective = time well spent (Socialite Life)

The red band trailer for We're the Millers went live today and -- wait -- is that an inflated ball sack!?

Yes. Yes it is. No worries, though, there's plenty of bare Jennifer Aniston to make up for it. There there, take a look at that sweet, stripping former Friend. All better now? Good.

Minus the swollen scrote, this is the best trailer we've seen all year. All of it's awesomeness rests on the fact that Aniston is a stripper impersonating a MILF who ends up stripping...or something. Funny people are in it being funny. A killer whale eats a dolphin. And Aniston is about to hook up with a lady in a tent. Fine, twist our arms, we're watching it again.

MORE BARE ANISTON? YES, PLEASE

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As summer time begins rolling into the Northern Hemisphere, I'd expect even more and more wonderfully skin-revealing self-portraits to arrive from our favorite ego-mad celebrities. It's a seasonal thing, though to be clear, our lust runs all year long. As does the need of our attention loving ladies to feed their need for exhibition. A glorious partnership between The Haves and the Have to Sees.

This week's Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Draya Michele in a tiny bikini, Candice Swanepoel in a tinier bikini and even less, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley flashing her lingerie, Jennette McCurdy showing off behind the scenes, Rihanna highlighting her hot tight booty in short shorts, and much much more. You owe it to the good men and women cleaning fecal matter out of public pools before Memorial Day to check out each and every one of these self-published photos. Enjoy.

LAST WEEK'S ROUNDUP IN CASE YOU WERE IN A MEXICAN JAIL CELL

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I appreciate all Egotastic! readers, each and everyone of you lascivious mofos, but I do have a special affinity for our friends from South America who both falsely compliment my still in progress Spanish language skills while simultaneously chastising me for omitting public adulation for their particular native favorite hottie.

Like 'Lucas' down Argentina way who wanted to give me a little kick in the pants for neglecting sweet celebrity model Celeste Muriega. Seeing Celeste quite without many clothes in this rather sultry photoshoot, I can see why Lucas was so dismayed. Dismay no longer, mi amigo, for the glory that is the body sextastic of Celeste Muriega now becomes part of the Egotastic! visual lexicon. Forever. Or until my $35 hard drive goes belly up again. Enjoy.

ARGENTINEAN WOMEN MOST DEFINITELY PLAY THEIR PART ON EGOTASTIC!

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Honestly, I don't even care what cause Helen Flanagan was promoting with her top spilling out of her, well, her top, I pledge my firm support.

The Britty soap star's ample bosom barely contained in a top while she helped support PETA's campaign to end the wearing of animal skins in fashion. Personally, outside of a pair of snakeskin boots that a very poorly thought out relationship led me to buy once, I'm down for saving the slaughter of beasts for my next sandwich only.

Having Helen Flanagan utilize her sweet chesty treats to help support this wildlife campaign, well, it doesn't make all that much sense. But then, who's complaining? Not I. Enjoy.

HELEN FLANAGAN IS NOT A PARTICULARLY SHY GIRL

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As far as I can tell Jennifer Nicole Lee workouts 365 days a year. And all 365 of those days pretty much outdoors in a public setting. And, thank god for that.

The BBW turned MILFtastic fitness guru is back in Miami at the parks, beaches, and traffic roundabouts in skimpy and revealing outfits working on her near perfect body. I say near perfect, because nobody has the perfect body. I mean, I might someday if I ever get back on the Gazelle. But Jennifer's is damn near close, especially for a mom of two who works it like no other. And sweats like no other. And flashes deep cleavage like... well, you get the picture. She makes sure of that. Enjoy.

JENNIFER LOVES TO WORKOUT OUTDOORS, WE SUPPORT HER DECISION

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Sometimes, I feel guilty that I compel two beautiful women into the ring to remove their tops and face off, err, chest off, against one another in a primal Page 3 Battle of the Boobtastic. But, that shameful feeling quickly passes as I return to mostly just pure exhilaration at the sight of two outrageously hot women with nipples pointed at each other in attack mode. Sometimes, you've got to ease the guilt to the back.

This week's peachy contest pits hot blonde Nicole Neal against the alluring Amii Grove. Two girls for whom I'd rip out a kidney just to get five minutes alone with in a broom closet. Either. Or, both. But, no, not today. Today there can be only one. So, the question is put to you, who's ta-ta's reign supreme?

NICOLE NEAL WITH SOME CLOTHES ON -- STILL WICKED HOT

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AMII GROVE WAS A WINNER IN HER VERY FIRST B.O.B.

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Carmen Electra has still got it going on. On and on.

The veteran hottie found herself in Dubai pimping the shizz out of some new entertainment project for the good folks of the U.A.E., and, so why not take a little time for some bikini body exhibition for this 40-something vixen. And what a show.

I'm carefully inspecting for flaws as we speak. None  to report to date, I mean, if you ignore her dating history. Just a stellar bikini body. Enjoy.

Irina Shayk made her arrival at Cannes quite memorable. I'm assuming she's not in a movie being shown, but she is super hot and a world class model, which also buys you the right at Cannes to show off your stuff on the red carpet. And that she did. Her two wonderful stuffs in a deeply plunging straight to my heart dress that flashed much of her softer finer points.

It's hard not to want to take Irina Shayk back to your Monte Carlo hotel suite or your yacht stationed off the coast and ravish her up and down and just a tad bit sideways. Of course, to do that, you will likely need a Monte Carlo hotel suite or a yacht. Working on it. Enjoy.

IRINA AND HER MODEL FRIEND ANNE V HANGING AT THE BEACH

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Well, yesterday was all about Miranda Kerr candid topless pictures, today, let's keep the Miranda Kerr topless goodness bandwagon rolling with a couple shots of the uber-sextastic modeling mama in Vogue Italy this month. Yes, certainly a little less candid than yesterday, but still Miranda, still super hot.

And might we add that since parting ways with Victoria's Secret, well, it appears as if Miranda is venturing out a bit more scantily than before, including flashing her bingo bongos now on a couple occasions just this month. Could this be a sign of continued risque things to come from Miranda? I sure as hell hope so. Enjoy.

I'm not quite clear whether or not these Emily Ratajkowski photos actually ran for the Surfline Collection last summer or they're new for this summer, but there's no way I'm not sharing these with all of you.

Emily Ratajkowski has quickly become one of our true hot bodied celebrity skin-baring favorites. Rising fast from her episodic backup roles on iCarly, to achieve true greatness as a young, daring model in the world of, well, Egotastic!

Take a look at these bikini photos and see if you can imagine anything or anyone quite as hot in this very same bikini. Wow. Enjoy.

Count me in that crowd, most definitely. Though I will admit many of you out there are bigger Jodie Marsh fans than I, we never miss an opportunity to bring you a controversial nekkid inked up former body building boobtastic glamour model when we get the chance. I mean, it's kind of why we exist.

Featured in the new edition of the wicked Zoo magazine, Jodie Marsh shows that the definition of a perfect body is quite broad, expansive, and like her own chest, rather ginormous. For those that love the naughty, you must lust Jodie Marsh. The rest of you can pretend you don't while checking back several times to confirm. Enjoy.

(Be sure to check out a bevy of topless goodness in the Jodie Marsh archive on ZooToday.com)

You know how much I go on and on like a hyperactive little girl about outtakes. I love outtakes. They are almost always more sextastic than the original published pictures. Take for fortunate example, Nina Agdal in these ridiculously hot outtakes from her recent Esquire magazine photoshoot.

Kudos to the good folks at Esquire for recognizing the goodness that lies within and without this uber-smoking hot Danish delight. And even more praise for releasing the photos that somehow never made it to the published pages. Just simply passion inducing photos of one seriously good looking woman. Enjoy.

Ke$ha's bringing side butt back (Celebuzz)

Ireland Baldwin rocks the hillbilly look (WWTDD)

Rihanna wants Chris Brown to remember her ass (TMZ)

Selena Gomez is hot - and loves Macs!  (Popoholic)

Finally, a gallery for the ab fan in all of us (The Chive)

A collection of way hot celeb siblings (VH1 Celebrity)

The Cannes Film Festival is about many things. Okay, well, mostly lots of highfalutin movies you and I will never care to see even on a really slow entertainment day. But also hot women showing off their finest.

And not just Western actresses and models either. The ladies of the Far East and Asian film industry come out to Cannes, including Zhang Yuqi, a Hong Kong based actress who lit up the red carpet for The Great Gatsby with an epically oriental view of her Eastern guns. Quite a sight indeed.

And a faptastic reminder that hotness resides in every single corner of this globe, you just have to go looking for it. Or wait til it finds you. Or do a combination of both. Or just come here everyday, that would be the easiest. Enjoy.