Besame mucho, Catalina Otalvaro. No, not there, lower. You're getting warmer. Warmer, warmer, hot, hot, crazy hot... but I digress.

Colombian sultry sextastica Catalina Otalvaro is back in another alluring lingerie shoot for Besame lingerie, the preferred provider of silky little underthings down Sudamericana way. You really and truly can't go wrong with Catalina repping your good with the sheer power of her sultry good looks and that ridiculously hot body. She could be primo fish pimper at the docks. But I'm quite glad she sticks to lingerie. It really is where he true gifts lie. Man, how I'd like to unwrap that gift. Catalina makes me say dang. Enjoy.

CATALINA OTALVARO EYES SO STUNNING, I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING AT HER EYES

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You don't just hire Eva Green to play a badass female warrior, you pay Eva Green to play a badass female warrior who is crazy hot and takes off her top to flash her classical rack as well. By now, many of you have already seen 300: Rise of an Empire, the sequel to the Frank Miller adapted graphic novel film, 300, which scored Gerard Butler about 300,000 women.

If you have, you know that Eva Green and her racktastic is definitely one of the highlights of the film. If you haven't, well, now you have seen two of the most compelling reasons to go see this movie. Eva Green has always been a brave actress and model. She's not scared of any nudity. I'd follow her into battle, or the changing room, or wherever. Enjoy.

EVA GREEN ALSO FLASHED HER YAMS IN CAMELOT

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Early this morning we saw Victoria Silvstedt stretching and sweating in her beach yoga workout. What's it all for? Well, this. By the afternoon Victoria was cleaned up, made up, sprayed up, and back out on the beach in a body baring white bikini doing her attention-getting thing. Lots of people I guess do yoga to center themselves spiritually, Victoria to center her boobtastic and bikini bottomside dead square in the eyes of every ogler on the beach.

It's been one amazing week of hot bodies on the beach in Miami. I don't envy the girls who half-assed it over the winter with their workouts thinking they could make a display of it against all that top flight competition. But make no mistake, at 39, Victoria is still very much in the game out there. Don't expect her to go gently into that good Miami night. Enjoy.

VICTORIA IS IN A BIKINI NEARLY DAILY; SHE'S NO NEWCOMER TO THIS GAME

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First and foremost, muchas gracias to EgoReader 'Eduardo' who reminded us that while we teased the pictorial of Sabado Gigante variety show veteran hottie Sissi Fleitas, we never really shared the photos. That was kind of a dick move on our part, though I assure you as usual it was mostly just because I'm lazy and I have short-term memory loss though I can't remember why.

But on to Sissi Fleitas, the blonde hottie tore up the libidos of many men for many years on Spanish language television, but this is her ultimate show. The wicked hot Cubana looks all kinds of spectacular in Playboy Mexico, flashing the charms that connected her with audiences for many years. Though probably not as connected as many would've liked to be.

On Fridays, we give gratitude for all that is nekkid and alluring and makes life worth living if you happen to be a lusty kind of guy or Sapphic leaning gal. Sissi Fleitas can come to my private dinner parties any time she likes. Tonight maybe, Sissi? Oddly, I'm free. Thank God It's Funbags!

PATTY CUEVAS SPUN US RIGHT ROUND AS MEXICO'S HOTTEST NEKKID DJ

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I'm happy but sad checking out these photos of the wickedly alluring blonde minx hottie Hayden Panettiere. Yes, she manages to look like some amazingly tall model once again, despite being diminutive in statute, she's not the least bit short on compelling naughty thoughts in men. However, I can't help but note Hayden was shooting just blocks from my location, and didn't apparently have the time to drop in and say hello or even just for a short nekkid sauna and hot rock rub down. I certainly would've done it for her.

I'll probably get over this snubbing after about four more peeks of these photos from Cosmo UK. Hayden has been all over the place lately, in various forms of hotness. I think this is a sign that spring is near. Or maybe that we should just starting mating more frequently. Hayden always gives me that feeling. Enjoy.

Minka Kelly is on my list of the ten most boring celebrities in Tinsel Town. But she's also on my list of one of the hottest. This raises a complicated dichotomy for me that is easily resolved by listen to happy Phil Collins music while blankly staring at Minka's sweaty taut body leaving the gym in Los Angeles.

Not only is Minka flashing some of her perfect derriere, but those sweaty marks on her front side are making me very jealous of her sports bra. Yes, you can be jealous of inanimate sweaty objects pressed tightly up against Minka Kelly's warm chest puppies and still be quite normal. I hope. Minka may not do that much so super exciting, but sometimes you need to add the spice yourself to make the dish hot. That makes no sense. Enjoy.

MINKA's GONE INTO BODY HIDING SINCE CHARLIE'S ANGELS FLOPPED

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You know I'm a maven when it comes to fashion. Wait, does maven mean I care not a whit? Well, this is true, but bikini fashion is clearly different. It's man-worthy viewing. So is seeing fashion designer Nikki Lund posing in her own bikini designs co-created with Richie Sambora for their Nikki Rich clothing line.

It's influenced by all sorts of fancy words and fun modern adjectives and the like. But mostly it's Nikki in a little bikini. That looks like fashion to me. And who doesn't want to be wearing a Richie Sambora co-designed bit of material against their nekkid skin. Well, I don't. But Nikki Lund seems to be delighting in it. And, really, that is all that matters. Enjoy.

Jenna Pietersen jugs invokes loads of lingerie lust (Popoholic)

Miley Cyrus plays with her new sex toy (Gossip Cop)

Taylor Swift leggy in patriotic wear gets the full salute (FOX)

Nina Dobrev's body is a bikini paradise (HuffPo)

Cara Delevingne and Michelle Rodriguez caught in a dance floor threesome (TMZ)

Katherine Webb all wet for some pool-time fun (The Superficial)

Bless these babes in yoga pants (The Chive)

The weather outside is frightful, well, not here in L.A.  where it's back to a rightfully drought ready 78 and sunny, but in the rest of the country, a late winter storm is doing whatever it is late winter storms do. Wreak havoc and make everybody shiver, like in the cartoons. But it does make for perfect movie weather, whether venturing out or home, let the elebrity skintastic envelop you like a warm coat of monkey fur with the help of our friends at Mr. Skin.

This week's Mr. Skin Minute recommendations feature Eva Green who will be topless in Sparta: Rise of an Empire out this week in IMAx, Elizabeth Olsen in her best topless scene ever in Oldboy, now available on Blu-Ray, and Dawn Olivieri topless making of the sexy scene this week on Showtime's House of Lies. Three hot women with amazing funbags baring all for the craft. Our favorite craft. Enjoy.

(And, absolutely do not forget to get your Mr. Skin discounted membership, just in time for, um St. Patrick's Day!)

It’s been relatively quiet on the Watch Dogs front of late. Ubisoft have gone a month or so without thrusting the hypetastic game into our every orifice, which will not do at all. But fear not, because another slice of homicidal hacker action has arrived.

In this spangly new trailer, some additional plot details surface. Aiden Pearce was once a routine hacker. Y’know, the sort of dude who would change his school’s website so the homepage made scathing remarks about the size of the Principal’s wang. When he happened upon classified intel, it all got a little guys-with-guns-knocking-at-4am. A hit was placed upon him, which went awry and resulted in the death of his daughter.

Which is, quite clearly, enough to send anyone on a revenge-y crime spree. And this isn’t a guy you want to piss off. Quite apart from his tech access and prowess (did hitting a damn button on his magic cell phone just black out the whole of Chicago?), he’s got some rather fancy point-blank gun moves. Can you do that in Grand Theft Auto? You bet your ass you can’t.

Elsewhere, it’s confirmed that we can get our Watch Dogs on from May 27.

It may not be an A-list assignment, but nobody is working harder or showing more this past week in a beachy model shoot than L.A.'s Bo Osinski who is working up a sextastic storm in various guises for the mysterious 138 Water company.

I've not heard of Bo before this campaign, but I must say she looks ridiculously hot in every single hot girl cliche wardrobe they've put her in this past ten days. From tanks and no bras, shorts and no panties, bikini bottoms to sheer wet tees, she's running the classic gamut of wicked beach girl ware and making it all look extra special. I'm still not buying this water, but I am imagining bathing in it with Bo. Enjoy.

BO SHOWED OFF A BIT TOO MUCH FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION IN VENICE

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Officially, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For. For the younger generation, the word 'dame' is what you used to call a girl when you had to take off five layers of her clothes just to get to her bush. Yes, I know, they had those too back then. Either way, Sin City 2 has Jessica Alba in not many clothes, which makes it an instant must-see flick this summer.

You can check out snapshots of Jessica Alba showing off in her bra in Sin City 2 on WWTDD.

Oh, no, not the apple. The apple is killing me!

I could watch French model stunt woman skydiving hottie Anais Zanotti munch down on all kinds of fruit. Heck, I'll make her a fruit and crudite platter just to watch her chew. Naturally, it's not her choppers that are drawing most of the attention as she preens in a tiny bikini across the beach in South Florida. Oh, that booty and hot body on this French import. I feel myself breaking into an Edith Piaf song, or I would, if I knew any. I'll have to stick to Warrant. Oh, darling cherry pie. Anais, that bikini is perfect. Enjoy.

ANAIS KEEPS IN SHAPE BY KICKING ASS AND TAKING NO NAMES

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Would you know a bomb if you saw one? In cartoons and such, they're hard to miss. It’ll be conveniently labelled ‘TNT,’ or be a thin red tube with a fuse dangling from the top. Then there’s the quintessential bomb: that classic black ball-o'-death itself.

Sadly, though, the real world isn’t so kind. When crazy-ass bombers want to get their explodinating on, they’re a little more subtle than that. You never know what may have been rigged up to blow your gonads into the next State. As such, what in the name of holy hell were these dudes thinking?

Now, we’ve all played war in our youth. Of course we have. The gun-hands, the PEW PEW PEW, the melodramatic death cries... this is the magic of childhood, right here. But you probably didn’t lovingly fashion a toy bomb convincing enough to make your neighbors shit their undercrackers at 3am.

The whole sorry story arose earlier this week.

Imitating Call of Duty, a band of misguided Pennsylvania kids made the prop (‘...a soda bottle wrapped in duct tape, albeit with a circuit board and some wires running up under the bottlecap,’ Kotaku reports) and left it in the yard that night. What happened next is ridiculous, inevitable, and inevitably ridiculous.

We don’t know why the neighbor was cruising about at 3am. Perhaps she’s a cat burglar. Or a drunk. But if there’s one thing she wasn’t counting on stealing/drinking, it was AN EFFING BOMB. Thinking that this was a genuine explosive, one thing lead to another, the bomb squad arrived, evacuations ensued, explanations were given, and a whole lot of everyone’s damn time was wasted.

There were no charges pressed, so all’s well that ends dumbassily.

Via Kotaku.

Anybody who thought Miranda Kerr wasn't going to get a million and one modeling gig offers the minute she parted ways with Victoria's Secret clearly hasn't been experiencing an erection lasting five years since first laying eyes upon her. She's got the goods to sell the shizz out of underwear. Other things we don't care about as much as well.

Wonderbra snapped up the bodily assets of Miranda Kerr to pimp their goose holders. They could not have made a wiser choice. The modestly bosomed Miranda instantly becomes a cleavetastic wonder thanks to the miracle of modern ladies support. I'm imagining their lovely descent once she removes the bra to remind me that it's my half-birthday and she has a present for me. It could happen. Anything can happen on a half-birthday. Enjoy.

My life has kind of changed since I met Carmen Electra here in my office. I've gone from lusting after the veteran hotties to super duper lusting, realizing that the mix of continued hotness mixed with decades of learning the art o of the tease and the virtual tickle is just one magical combination. Sure, I don't mind a giggling 20-year old. But a 40-year old with a naughty mind and a demure smile and Carmen Electra's looks and body? Out of control.

Carmen is featured in the latest edition of FHM magazine from across the pond. I think they nailed everything I do so lust about Carmen. Cheeky, teasy, lingerie experienced hottie. I'd like to climb right through those pages and... enjoy.

I told you the competition was rough in Miami. Even the veterans like Victoria Silvstedt realize it's time to step up or their game or just throw up their hands in defeat. But Victoria is not a defeatest. You don't get to the top of the trophy girlfriend pile by surrender and lethargy. Nope, out onto the beach for some early morning asstastic yoga stretching, working those kegels back into top girlfriend form.

Victoria has been running this game for nearly two decades now since coming out of Sweden. Don't think she's going to let a bunch of upstart girls with hot arses throw her off her rung on the ogle-worthy beach ladder. Not without a fight. Or at least a lot of bottom stretching and cleavage showing. Game on. Enjoy.

Well, hello there, Friday. Good day to you, kindest day of the week. You are more than just the foreplay to the weekend, you are my beloved second base. The home of all things soft and carressable. Each week we come together as a family unit on this particular day to share in our bounty and recall legends of the hunt. But mostly we just exchange a lot of celebrity nekkid photos, because hunting is way too much work.

This week's Reader Finds includes Elle Macpherson red hot in black and white (thank you to EgoReader 'Zen'), 80's throwback to Vanity topless onscreen (reach back from 'Robert'), Abbie Cornish sextastic for Esquire (bless you kind sir 'William'), Angelina Jolie topless in one of her memorably movie roles (sweet Angelina provided by 'Dave D.'), new to me Eun-woo Lee Topless in Moebius (quite a sweet sight via 'Omar'), Sharon Stone baring all back when so hot in Basic Instinct (all of Sharon brought to you by 'Melisse'), Jessica Biel covered topless in her epic Gear magazine shoot (more classics from the mind of 'Owen'), Nina Agdal flashing some nip and quite covered nekkid in SI photo by James Macari (special find from 'Rody'), a see-through boobtastic view of singer Chanel West Coast from her uncensored album art (thanks to a bunch of you who sent this in), more wet and sextastic photos of Hailee Lautenbach (thanks once again to 'Jimmy D.'), Johanna Lundback quite breathtaking topless (tossed onboard by 'Chris'), some delicious see-throughs of Lucy Mecklenburgh (thank you kindly 'Kurtis'), Andy MacDowell's daughter Rainey Qualley maybe topless, it's topless, maybe her from indie Found Upper Footage (thanks to Internet sleuth 'Dan B.' for this possibility), Jessica Brown Findlay topless in not Downton Abbey (kudos to 'Erica' for a lovely bit of ta-ta's), Shannen Doherty topless from 90210 days (wayback machine to topless mammaries by 'Daniel'), a double dose of Tanya Roberts topless from her heyday (hey, it's super hot Tanya thanks to 'Devon'), purported nekkid photos of German national team volleyballer, Saksia Hippe (oh, let it be real from 'Maria' in Deutschland), one nekkid painted Chilean music festival queen swimming (weird but gracious thanks to 'Lucas'), Orlando Bloom girlfriend Nora Arnezeder topless on the silver screen (bless you sweet 'Sarah'), and last, but never least, Reese Witherspoon cleavetastic fifteen years ago now at the Cruel Intentions movie premiere, dang (way to close out strong 'Robin'). Breathe it all in, can you smell the sextastic? Enjoy.

You know the old saying, a hot girl flashing her booty in latex panties is a memory for a lifetime. I think that's an old saying. It certainly should be. I guarantee you won't soon forget L.A. model Elizabeth Deo pretending to fix a car in her leather and latex getup for Kandy magazine. It may actually be the last thing I ever do remember.

Of course, some of you may not fully appreciate a girl in skin tight rubber panties, but then some of you need to learn to work your imagination muscles a little bit more, specifically as to what happens to when rubber gets warm. See. I should would like Elizabeth to fix my car. At least, once I lied to her about which car was mine so she'd think I drove a really hot one, as opposed to one that looks like it was once used as crash car #275 in the Dukes of Hazzard. Elizabeth, call me, I have a jelly that can help you ease out of your bottoms. Enjoy.

I REMEMBER WHEN KATY SHOWED UP FOR TV IN ITALY IN A LATEX DRESS

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Honestly, if I were the last mine in the world drooling over Lucy Collett, I would be happy being a club of one. Every time I see this ginger curvy lady taking off her clothes, I want to learn how to play the harp and write her some kind of angelic striptease song I could pluck with just one hand. She is the bacon to my eggs, which makes no sense, unless you really really love bacon like I do.

Lucy likes to take her sextastic all-lady body show out into nature to let the birds and bees become more inspired to do what birds and bees do naturally. She's got me remembering every single thing ever mention in my sixth grade sex-ed class. Including the part about how I would be flogged if I laughed again at the word 'vagina'. It still makes me laugh, even as I turn over all my worldly resources in various attempts to attain it. Life is funny that way. Lucy Collett, you are my Rubenesque angel. I wish to adore you in so many heavenly ways. Enjoy.

WHEN LUCY TOOK A SHOWER, I SUDDENLY FELT VERY DIRTY

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Hark, what hot asstastic through yonder beach lies before my ogling eyes? Damn, dang, and talk about rising to the level of your competition. Model Kate Usmanova introduced her bikini asstastic to the Miami Beach mix and managed to win herself some standout notice. Not an easy task in the least.

But just look at that thumper. It's like the cream of the bottoms rising to the top. I want to mop it with apple juice and put it back into the smoker for six more hours. Oh, the bark we'd create. Kate, this is some epic work on your part. I admire your gumption, and that wicked hot female form. Enjoy.

NICKI MINAJ IS AN ASSTASTIC DIFFICULT TO TOP, THOUGH I'D LIKE TO TRY

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Australia is no different than the U.S.. I mean, everybody says 'gday' and the toilets flush backwards, but their reality show hotties still manage to fill their gossip rag pages and get themselves noticed for having wicked hot bodies.

Tahan Lew made a name for herself on the recent run of Big Brother in Australia. She's involved in some sort of dustup with bloggers and columnists over in the land Down Under over allegations of things nobody cares about nearly as much as how this hot brunette looks in a bikini. Which we now happily know and leer and notice. I'd say she looks damn fine. Which means, my tolerance for her shenanigans just went sky high. I'm a sucker for sextastic ladies. Personal behavior is vastly overrated. Enjoy.

COURTNEY STODDEN WAS INVITED TO BE A CELEBRITY BIG bROTHER HO-DOWN

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These chicks know how to get dirty in the shower (The Chive)

Jessica Alba scorching hot strip scene for Sin City sequel (Gossip Cop)

Anais Pouliot is one Canuck that gives me a Zamboni (Popoholic)

Khloe Kardashian in her nekkid video debut (Celebuzz)

Beyonce nipples mean a Mrs. Carter peepshow (The Superficial)

Rihanna cleavetastic in just bra and blazer (FOX)

Boobtastic babes with even bigger hearts (VH1)

I hate to use the word battle this week as so many real world type conflicts rage. But it does serve as a reminder to make love, not war, and if you can't make love, just imagine you are with the aid and benefit of the several hundred million great looking women walking the face of this planet. Release your hostility in a more fruitful manner. End of speech. On to boobs.

Irish eyes are smiling upon Emily O'Hara this week as she and her sweet peaches take on the unimaginably difficult task of dethroning blonde bombshell Rhian Sugden. I don't envy Emily in her challenge, though I do so badly want to give her  supportive spank on her panties covered bottom as she tries. Thankfully, I need not carry the burden of selecting the winner. This awesome responsibility falls onto your shoulders. Decide you must, whose ta-ta's reign supreme?

RHIAN SUGDEN IS NO NEWCOMER TO THE WORLD OF HIGH STAKES BOOBERY

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EMILY O'HARA HAS BEEN TAKING ON THE FINEST BOOBS SINCE THE BEGINNING

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You know when your week begins with lingerie selfies of Jennette McCurdy, it's going to be a stellar week in the world of social media share candids. It couldn't really get much better than that, but it has gotten a whole lot bigger with so many of our sextastic favorites competing to be noticed in the digital space.

This week's Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes my precious Kylie Minogue in a short skirt, Leven Rambin lifting her bosom, Nicki Minaj holding her own funbags in the shower, Miley Cyrus making out with a girl, Jen Selter flashing her amazing booty, Sophie Turner showing off her ridiculous hourglass body, Ariana Grande showing off her little tush, and much much more. You owe it to the unborn child of Scarlett Johansson to check out each and everyone of these wicked hot social candids. Enjoy.

LAST WEEK'S ROUNDUP IN CASE YOU WERE AT A CRIMEAN HOTEL SPA GETAWAY

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I've been saying that the girls in Miami need to figure out ways to distinguish themselves from the pack. Being wicked hot is barely just enough anymore. So bravo to Deimante Guobyte for adding the element of the bikini bottom camel toe to her already impressive resume of fine female form all over hotness, including a thumper that deserves recognition before the blue ribbon committee.

I happen to find it quite nice when amazingly sextastic models show me all their fun parts I likely will never be exploring in any personal detail. The same way I like to look at menus outside fancy restaurants I can't afford. It's vicariously appealing. Today, I'm appealing down Deimante's bikini bottoms. Enjoy.

DAKOTA FANNING IS ONE OF OUR FRESH NEW FUN CAMEL-TOERS

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I know Alison Brie may not be your cup of tea. Ugh. She's not for everyone. She floats not all boats, but for those she floats, she reaches pretty epically high. I'm one of them and this innocent but sextastic look at the Mad Men thespianic in Rhapsody magazine leaves me feeling quite lifted indeed.

There's something about her all-dressed up girl next door thing she's got going on that reminds me of being a kid and spying on my neighbor's teen daughter heading off on her dates. I didn't realize it until I'd grown a bit older than I was fortunate to be living next to the single most promiscuous teen girl in the neighborhood, which would explain why her dates often consisted of her heading out to the boys car and coming back twenty minutes later and hopping out all disheveled. I'd always thought they had gone bowling. Enjoy.

ALISON BRIE CAN TURN ON THE INNOCENT GIRL PLAYING SEXY ROUTINE

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You may recall Nieves Jaller as one of the two hottie Argentinean women in a love triangle gossip mags battle over Ale Sergi, he's kind of like the Adam Levine of Argentina. And I'd say one lucky bastard. Why can't I have two smoking hot glamour models fighting over who loves me the most, then forcing me to challenge them to prove who does with a Herculean list of sexually deviant acts to perform. Yeah, I probably shouldn't wait by the door for that one.

While I'm not sure where this 2013 scandal has headed, I am quite sure that Nieves Jaller won't be without a boyfriend for very long, based on her latest pictorial in H Para Hombres magazine where she bares her glorious topless female form, and a little on the bottoms, to show that she's clearly not a girl who stayed home on prom night. I love nothing more than a good Sudamericana bitch slapping topless gossip girl fight. They really have perfected that fine art. Enjoy.

NIEVES JALLER CAN BE MY ANGRY FIGHTING GIRLFRIEND ANY TIME SHE WANTS

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Miami Beach is rough and getting rougher. Hot models from around the world are now just pouring onto the beach like a reverse horseshoe crab mating ritual, making competition to be ogled all the more tougher. I'm not sure how the men in the area aren't all suffering from eye and neck strain, not to mention another muscle for which you would be too embarrassed to go see a doctor about your sprain.

The latest is Metisha Schaefer, a German hottie magazine model who also appears on Telemundo because she's an international kind of girl, don't you know. Metisha seems to be rather comfortable with her body, with a little extra sweet cushion for pushing me away as I attempt to ask her for her phone number in multiple languages I've not come close to mastering. Including English. Welcome to the Miami battlezone, Metisha. Rack up your bikinis and let's get this started. Enjoy.

METISHA NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH GERMAN SHOWOFF MICAELA SCHAEFER

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At least we can feel safe knowing Lea Michele isn't trying to smuggle any untoward items onto her airplane, at least not in her pants, as her tights were so clingy to her body, I'd defy even the most advanced contrabander to find a place to secrete any ill gotten booty within that domain. Granted, I can think of a place or two she could still tuck in some duty free merchandise unnoticed.

Lea made her way through the airport in N.Y. with her blessed stretch pants showing off her booty and her little lovely eyes of the camel as she proceeded to do her part as an American by stripping half nekkid for the 500th million TSA screen of the year. I think she gets an award for that. I now know exactly where I'd like to pin it. Enjoy.

OCCASIONALLY WE CATCH THE SLENDER LEA IN HER LITTLE TWO PIECES

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You know I have a thing for the TOWIE girls in the U.K.  Not so much the times they're uttering things aloud, but definitely big on the moments they get to show off their female fineries in the public eye, all the more so when they take their regular warm weather holidays.

Lucy Mecklenburgh made her way to Miami, perhaps the single toughest strip of beach to make it visually big in the world right now, and she left quite an impression. The paddle board as a prop to sextastic bikinis shows never hurt. It adds the element of athleticism and intrigue I suppose if your board gets swept up in the local current and you wind up beaching in Cuba. I'd send in a Marine force to go rescue Lucy if that were the case. She's not even from our land but I still consider her sweet bikini body something of a national treasure. Enjoy.

LUCY LOOKED RATHER STELLAR IN LITTLE BITS OF LINGERIE

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The cartwheel always eluded me as a child, you know, when I still did hopscotch and jacks and my mom insisted my name was Renee. Ah, grade school. So I'm not going to hate on Courtney Stodden, who even with her monumental enhancements managed to pull off a full and relatively decent cartwheel along the beach just to make sure anybody who wasn't already staring at her ginormous funbags in a tiny bikini got a full and pleasant look.

Courtney is trying very hard to get noticed. I know many of you will tell me I'm part of the problem or some cliche like that for giving her attention. But I only share with you where my eyes go. If I was a automobile reporter, you'd see lots of high end vehicles, you'd also see the spectacular crashes. My mind is simple. It moves toward shiny objects. Feel free to go ahead and find your hot celebrity yabbos on PBS if you want intelligence. Enjoy.

COURTNEY HAS NOT EXACTLY BECOME DEMURE SINCE HER SIZE-UPS

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I don't know who Irishka A is, I suspect she's a lady whose obvious and glorious bodily charms extend into the world of more grown-up type visuals, but I am told by longtime EgoReader 'Daniel' to whom I owe a mighty favor that any discussion about who has the most amazing yabbos has to include Irishka A.

Her abbreviated last name clearly does not relate to the size of her ridiculously hot funbags. In this regard, Daniel is mightily on target. Seeing Irishka in various poses and preens topless does make me want to propel her immediately into my top ten ta-ta's list, along with approximately 119 other fetching ladies. Although, I'm hesitant to promote this kind of behavior from all of you. Next thing you know, my mailbox will be filled with some of the hottest women with the finest bodies from around the world. How horrible would that be? Enjoy.

I can't say I'm super familiar with Alwayz Therro magazine, but I'd like to thank them for giving us this wonderful visuals of bodacious and curvaceous hottie Carmen Ortega.

Our belusted sultry Latina is in various stages of undress and reveal in this rather memorable photoshoot making me very jealous of her blanket and her couch. Maybe someday I'll be fortunate enough to be reincarnated as a couch, though you have to be careful you don't come back as a porn couch. You wouldn't want your cushions treated to all of those sights. Just Carmen Ortegan's nekkid lounging divan for me please, Mother Nature. Enjoy.

Johanna Lundback always serves to remind us that not all Scandinavian hotties come in the blonde variety, there are plenty of sizzling brunettes, most notably Johanna herself who has exceptional promotional appeal for Nelly Swimwear.

At one time in my life I resided in the upper latitudes of the Nordic regions and was too impressed that the ladies who turned me down for keeping warming in the winter weather came in all colors. Okay, mostly pasty fair-haired, but there were an entire rainbow of ladies ignoring my come-ons. In fact, there was one evening I recall spent with a redhead, though it might have been a wig, I hope it was a girl. Enjoy.

Nicki Minaj isn't the only one getting wet (Celebuzz)

Selena Gomez boobtastic gets the GIF treatment (COED)

Miranda Kerr nekkid in the shower (Gossip Cop)

Courtney Stodden drops some serious divorcée double Ds (FOX)

Bar Refaeli takes it off (TMZ)

The asstastic road ahead is fill with curves (The Chive)

Elsa Hosk swimsuit pimping hotness (Popoholic)

Gemma Massey, where have you and your ridiculously hot body been all my life, or at least the last time I had five minutes to myself in a semi-private space.

We've spied glamour model Gemma before, but it's been a while, too long a while, for this bodacious hottie has all the makings of the queen of my realm. I'd gladly serve her the minute her top came off, for she is a master of the art of the sextastic reveal. I suppose Gemma might insist I do some cleaning and other menial services about her flat for the chance to be her humble servant. It seems like a fair trade by the looks of Gemma and that salacious smile.  Enjoy.

(For all your Gemma Massey fineries, check out the MissGemmaMassey official site.)

GEMMA AND MARIA FOWLER WERE ONCE BOTH BLONDE AND SHOWING OFF

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I don't know, maybe I'm making up the love part, though Pamela Anderson did recently remarry her ex-husband from her days of Wine and Roses, so perhaps this is true romance. But when a lady wears the fancy dress up panties, I just assume she's feeling very Valentine-ish. As opposed to when she's wearing those crotchless latex panties and I know she's about to tell me her special rates for Holiday Inn guests.

Pamela Anderson may be trying hard to look all grown up, but she can't fool me, she's still the Baywatch babe from many a heartfelt young man's dream. I'll probably be looking up her skirts until the end of time, or about five more years when she gives up the black and lacy models. I'm a very weak man. Enjoy.

PAMELA HAS NEVER BEEN A SHY WOMAN, EVEN NOW WELL INTO HER 40's

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Well, it looks like S.I. Swimsuit model Jenna Pietersen is a multitalented kind of gal. And why not multi all those talents inherent in that sultry brunette body. I mean, damn. Just look at Jenna. I know you are already.

Jenna is looking mighty fine in Lingadore Lingerie, flashing all sorts of hot angles, tops and bottoms and everything sweet in between. I'd write this incredibly alluring South African a letter and ask her to be my girlfriend, but I'm not sure I could handle the close approximation to certain rejection. Enjoy.

LEE-ANN LIEBENBURG IS ANOTHER SOUTH AFRICAN LINGERIE FAVORITE OF OURS

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It’s the final installment of the Arkham series, gentlemen. Stop pretending to work/scratching your ass and pay attention, because this is an encore you want to check out.

Rocksteady missed the Batman: Arkham Origins party; it was developed by Warner Bros. Games in their stead. But now, the creators of the much-ballyhooed Arkham Asylum and Arkham City are back with a third slice of Bat-tastic. It’s time to get our Batman: Arkham Knight on.

Who the hell knew that Thomas Wayne was just as awesome as his famous son? In the above trailer, he’s giving our ol’ buddy Bruce some sage advice from beyond the grave. Y’know, the usual parental stuff: stay away from drugs and hookers, don’t piss your money away, and punch bank robbers in the wang whenever possible. Most importantly, if you ever become a pseudo-superhero vigilante with an ostentatious costume, don’t --don’t freaking ever-- include nipples in your body armor. Because one day George Clooney might play you in a movie, and he’ll look like a dick.

Anywho, to sum up: all we can gather thus far is that Batman: Arkham Knight is looking like business as usual, with what looks like a new-found vehicular combat focus. Grand Theft Auto Gotham, here we come.