Bikinis Posts:

Ludivine Sagna And Her Boobs Bikini On Miami Beach

Model and soccer player wife Ludivine Sagna looked redonkulously sexy in a small bikini on Miami Beach. Ludivine has pretty much a perfect body. There is not an ounce of fat or ugly on her. But her most prominent feature are her delectable funbags. Holy mother of boobs she has a nice rack! They are barely contained inside the confines of her bikini top. Much like a tiger or the wind or whatever her boobies cannot be restrained. She's got some serious cleav action going on. The bottom also reveals her perfectly crafted booty. It's a work of art, ya'll.

Ludivine is married in real life to soccer player Bacary Sagna. If watching the World Cup taught me anything it's that "footballers" have pretty stacked wives and girlfriends. I get that these guys are a big deal in other parts of the world and can therefor get the hottest women. It's just in America where no one gives much of a crap. I doubt our native soccer players could land a girl like Ludivine.

Elle Macpherson Bikini Pictures Fifty and Faptastic

While my forty and faptastic list is rather lengthy, the fifty plus version dwindles rather extensively. Though there are clear and obvious rule breakers. Like Elle Macpherson. On a day when we are celebrating bikini beauties at the beach, how about a sweet homage to the queen bee of hot bikini pictures for three decades now. The Aussie with the hot long lean body who can steal teach the youngin's a thing or two about strutting in a two piece.

Elle was on vacation on a yacht off the coast of Italy when she decided to don one of her little bikinis and show off front side and backside half-century hotness. She more than caught my eye. She made 10,000 images of her ridiculously alluring surfer girl hotness flash before my eyes. Then I passed out. Then I woke up wondering what time it was and if Elle would respond to my request for an Adult Nursing Relationship post I made to her on Craigslist Palm Beach. So much to think about, and so much Elle sextastic to focus on. Bless you, Ms. Macpherson. Enjoy.

Paulina Porizkova Bikini Pictures on Grecian MILFtastic Holiday

It's hard to believe Paulina Porizkova will soon be turning 50. It's easy to believe I've lusted for her European bikini sensibilities since before my bobos even dropped. She's been super hot forever.

Paulina and her bikini body took to a Mykonos holiday for the July holiday season. She flashed a frontside and derriere still gifted from the heavens and a good twenty-five years after she retired from SI modeling. It's really incredible to think about. Mostly, it makes me really jealous of that dude from the Cars she's been married to these past twenty-five years. But seeing her bikini tush on the Isles of Greece, I do realize she has a little something in her bag of benevolence for us all. Let' not fight, let's share. Though, obviously, me first. Enjoy.

Michelle Lewin Toned Booty Faptastic Bikini Raised Toward the Heavens in Miami

Just when you think Michelle Lewin can't taunt you with her bikini clad asstastic in any new positions, voila. Hello stretchy shiny thong bottoms barely covering sun-directed derriere in beach chair. It's like the world's greatest minds were brought in to brainstorm new ways for Michelle Lewin to give you a near heart-attack.

There's just something about this wicked hot thumper faptastic Venezuelan model that makes me want to commit to yet another gym membership. Monthly dues are tantamount to actually working out as far as I'm concerned. I would like to work on my sunscreen rubbing muscles should Michelle ever answer one of my email requests to be allowed to protect her rump skin from the brutal solar death rays of Mother Sun. I would emollient her booty with a fervor not seen since the days of Hercules. My hands would be chafed with utter satisfaction. Michelle, please write me back, my calendar is not filling up quickly. Enjoy. 

Anastasia Ashley Bikini Booties Up with Paparazzi Logan Fazio for Miami Beach Thumper Show

Twerking surfer girl Anastasia Ashley took her hot bikini bum showtime to the right coast to give Miami a little taste of her sweet beach body. She was being shot by sweet cheeked paparazzi hottie Logan Fazio, the best looking pap by a factor of higher than my fingers can count, who decided what the heck, I'll throw my booty into the show with Anastasia and treble the amount of cold showers needed along the sandy strip

Someday I'm going to go up to Logan and ask her, is that your giant camera or are you just damn glad to meet me. It won't make any sense, but we'll have a few drinks and then ask Anastasia and the other smoking hot girls on Miami Beach to parade their perfect hineys before her lenses. I'll play the tambourine as I do in all situations when I have no real job in the band so I look like I'm sort of supposed to be there. What a day that will be. I'll probably burn. I don't care. Enjoy.

LeAnn Rimes Bikini Exhibition Poolside in Miami

I can't say that I intend to catch a single second of LeAnn Rimes new reality show. The whole inanity contagion factor remains far too high to tune into a second of that staged family drama. But, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't closely tracking LeAnn Rimes and her tight bikini body, which has been on serious itsy-bitsy bikini display since she started filming her show. Hawaii, Los Angeles, and now Miami have hosted LeAnn and her well-honed body in a skimpy two piece, flashing booty, sideboob, and everything in between as LeAnn in the least gives you one compelling reason to keep her on your radar.

I respect the celebrities who keep themselves in show worthy shape, even for the most ludicrous and craptastic of purposes. I'm sure the show will feature much deadpans, much screaming, many things being thrown, and tears. Bravo. All of that pales in comparison to some Rimes funbags barely contained in her bikini. In fact, if that were the title of her show, I'd tune in. Enjoy.

Lindsay Lohan and Ali Lohan Bikini Playtime on a Yacht in Capri

I can't remember if world's most lovable mother Dina Lohan is still sending out nasty messages about people showing pictures of Ali Lohan, but here goes nevertheless. Ali, and her more famous and infamous older sister Lindsay Lohan were swimming and sunbathing in two piece swimwear on a yacht off the coast of Italy as, you know, many of us do from time to time. It's a rather rare day that we see even one, let alone both Lohan sisters in clear bikini shots. I think it's been at least a couple years now. But, there they are, flashing their bodies toward El Sol and taking a dip in the Mediterranean.

Granted, the Lohan girls and Lindsay may not look precisely in their prime, as they were in their prime, but as always I hold out hope for a return to glory before the days of wine and roses and all the other things less legal than wine and roses. Thy body is a temple and all that. But where there once was sextastic, there ever remains hope. It's like The Force, it sleeps, but never fades. Enjoy.