You know how I'm not a big fan of the birthday requests, but every now and then, one of our readers has such a pathetic man's existence, it just weakens my defense. Case in point, Egotastic! fan 'Matt F." who just turned 22 and, despite constant and consistent efforts to the contrary, has only seen even second base when watching baseball games on television. Matt's lack of success with the ladies is apparently attributable to a combination of being super cheap with the shekels and a chronic masturbation issue that garnered him the high school nickname of 'lefty', despite never even playing sports. While there is little we can do to relieve Matt of his innocence, short of hiring a professional, we can at least give him the little bit of Rihanna he requested for his birthday, to enjoy a quiet time personal moment on his special day, you know, before his mom starts banging on the bathroom door and tells him he's going to go blind. Happy Birthday, Matt, good luck, and enjoy.
Rihanna gets down to underthings and flames in her BRIT Awards performance: