I'd appreciate if you could keep this just between us. But with news that Billy Ray Cyrus and Tish Cyrus are divorcing after seventeen years of marriage, well, the kids have taken it hard. Of course, they're going to need to lean on their friends and confidants during this time of family upheaval. And, well, I guess I'm that go-to person for Miley Cyrus. I took Miley out on the Egotastic! yacht yesterday, the H.M.S. Nipslip, for an intentionally slow trip around our green water lagoon.
Miley talked. I listened. Miley cried. I consoled. Miley wore a tiny bikini top. I snapped photos. It's just that kind of relationship. By the time we arrived back at port, I think Miley felt world's better about her parents split; I think my constant ogling and accidental yawn-and-reach moves helped her put the travesties of life into perspective. Peace out, Miley.