Lindsay Lohan vs. Jessica Simpson: Fight!

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What do you get when you take a spoiled, coke-addicted, anorexic bulimic, "actress," a hacky, over-weight, alleged boyfriend director, and a dim-witted, recently-divorced, airhead singer? How about Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson fighting over Brett Ratner. Yeah, Brett Ranter.

Defamer reported it first, and now US Weekly is filling out the details (but only in their magazine), on the fight that happened at the L.A. bar The Dime, on April 6.

Essentially, here's what happened. Brett Ratner was at the bar with some friends, when at around 1:30 am (Last Call? that's weak) Jessica Simpson entered complete with her hairdresser/stylist entourage (don't celebrities have firends they don't have to pay?), and sat at Ratner's table. Then Lindsay Lohan came in, and sat next to Ratner too. Apparently, these two have been dating for a couple months, which is gross beyond description.

So, the story continues, pretty much all the people in Jessica's group were total assholes. Apparently, hairdressers are just as catty as actresses (who knew!?) and one of Jessica's hairdressers called one of Lindsay's hairdressers an Asshole. Nothing particularly interesting there (since hairdressers don't matter), but then another of Jessica's friends called Lindsay a Bitch! Which our high on "life" 19-year-old, didn't take very kindly. In fact, Lindsay was heard to utter something along the lines of:

"What's the matter? When your sister is around, you can talk s-t about me, but now that Ashlee's not here, what are you going to do? C'mon! I'm 19 and you're 25. Say something, you coward!"

Wawaweewa! At this point, Ratner is doing all he can to keep the hundred-pound Lohan from slashing Jessica to tiny little pieces and stuffing her into a can of Chicken of the Sea. Apparently, Jessica Simpson was crying her eyes out, saying she was too old for all the drama (she is 25, after all), and she felt like she was back in High School.

Man, this stuff is gold, Jerry. Gold!

Of course, there aren't any pictures from said fight, but here are a few of Lindsay Lohan at some Saturn promo event. You, know, I wonder how much she gets paid to show up at these things. More pictures after the jump.