A lot of people ask me why I'm so obsessed with Lindsay Lohan, and I really can't tell you why. Sure, she's got a great rack, and it's really easy to make fun of her, but she's also untalented, and generally annoying. But did I mention her rack?
Anyway, it seems I'm not the only one obsessed with Lindsay Lohan, since GQ magazine says they are too. Of course, a GQ-style obsession, and full-on, blogger-with-too-much-free-time obsession are pretty different things. For one, I can't get Terry Richardson to take pictures of Lindsay Lohan for me, and I also don't ask her dumb, pseudo-sarcastic questions.
Can we tell people we're doing this interview in the men's room at Yankee Stadium?
Yes. And tell them that we're dating.
Does it make you sad that celebrity magazines never write about you?
It does. I really wish they would do more. I'm trying to become friends with all the cool famous people, the ones that go to clubs all the time--try to get into those tabloids a little more.
Tell me about an average day in the life of Lindsay Lohan.
It starts out with a 5 a.m. hike through Runyon Canyon to watch the sunrise. Then I go outside, and I try to find the paparazzi. I go down to Robertson Boulevard, try and search for them, find them, and bring them food.
And then what do you do at night?
Well, of course, I'm sitting at the computer all night.
Have you ever read anything interesting about yourself on the Internet?
No. I wish they'd be clever and make something up for me.
Oh so clever. Just like that Terry Richardson shoot isn't. Hey, GQ, if you're going to interview Lindsay Lohan, leave the sarcasm and faux irony out of it. Bloggers do it much better. And if you're going to get Terry Richardson to take the pictures, make sure he does what he does best, which is get the girls in his pictures to get raunchy and naked. These pictures are neither.
GQ, you don't know the meaning of obsessed.