Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala Mega Picture Post

03:49 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

The Metropolitan Museum of Art held it's annual Costume Institute Gala, which is on par with the Academy Awards in terms of the number of beautiful women in sex dresses. My favourites this time out include Blake Livley (the busty gossip girl), Gisele Bundchen (so sexy), Hilary Duff (who keeps getting hotter), Kate Mara (my favourite redhead), Michelle Trachtenberg (whose nipples were saved by some golden pasties), Sarah Silverman (as cleavagey as ever), and Taylor Swift (who just might be the most beautiful girl in the world). Of course, there are many more lovely ladies, as you can see, and well over 150 more pictures after the jump.

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Katie Holmes Probably Isn't Pregnant. Maybe. I Don't Know

12:17 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

There have been a lot of rumours lately about whether or not Katie Holmes is once again pregnant with the Alien Spawn of Tom Cruise. Sources claim they are, agents claim they aren't, and a few photos kind of maybe made it look like she might be. But until we see another adorable, extra-terrestrial baby hit the cover of the tabloids, we'll have to stick with what we know so far. Which isn't much.

According to The Sun claimed to have a source close to the couple who said "Katie and Tom are thrilled about having another baby on the way. She is glowing with happiness." On the other hand, The Daily Mail reports that TomKat are not expecting, and their Tom's agent has said as much: "They are not expecting a second child." Though, when asked, about whether the couple wanted more children in the future, the agent responded "Yes, definitely."

Of course, these pictures of Katie Holmes at the beach playing with Suri, make it pretty hard to claim she is pregnant. Then again, I've never seen a bathing suit with such a big buckle on it, so could she be hiding something? Well, I think she's always hiding something. For instance, I think she's hiding the many millions of dollars she was paid to be Tom Cruise's beard for the past few years.

More pictures of Katie and Suri after the jump.

Photo credit: Splash

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Katie Holmes: Porn Star

01:04 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

Well, not Katie Holmes, actually, but Katee Holmes, a blond-haired, blue-eyed fashion student from Illinois, who wants to lose her virginity on camera as the start of her porn career. Naturally, Katie Holmes and her camp on not amused with this newcomer's choice for her porn name, reports Page Six

"It's a really cheap shot," a rep for the actress, who's married to Tom Cruise, told Page Six. But Shy Love, an adult film vet who manages the 5-foot-9, 122-pound Katee - a small-town girl from Illinois - insisted: "Katee is using the name as a tribute to Katie, who has always portrayed an innocence in everything she's done, beginning with 'Dawson's Creek.' "

Well, not quite everything - Holmes did go topless in the 2000 movie "The Gift," but she's shunned any on-screen nudity since tying the knot with Cruise, who's believed to have gotten her sex scene with Aaron Eckhart killed from "Thank You for Smoking."

Katee, 18 - a student at the Fashion Institute of Design in Orange County, Calif. - has no such qualms. "I know it's pretty extreme to lose my virginity on camera, but I like the fulfillment and excitement I get from watching porn, so I figured [a movie] was the best place for me to lose it," the not-that-innocent Katee said. "How many people wished they could relive their first experience, if not to remember it but to learn from it, right?"

Holmes' camp is weighing her possible recourse. A friend of Katie told us, "It's really kind of sleazy, using her name like that."

I guess that's just one of the down sides of being famous. But it's not like Katee Holmes is trying to be just like the real Katie Holmes. I mean, if she was, she would obviously be starting a career in Midget Porn. Why Midget Porn? Because Tom Cruise is fucking short.

More pictures of Katie Holmes and her tiny husband after the jump.

Photo credit: Splash

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These Katie Holmes Upskirt Pictures are Just Plain Wrong

01:49 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

Okay, I've got a few problems with these Katie Holmes upskirt pictures, and here they are:

First of all, Katie Holmes is totally doing it on purpose. She's wearing a full length dress, not a miniskirt, but she somehow still manages to nearly show us everything underneath. After Britney, Lindsay and Paris, we're kind of over the whole "oops" thing.

Second, if you're going to try and pull off an upskirt moment, you might want to consider trading in the granny-panty support underwear for something a bit sexier, like a thong, or nothing at all. No one wants to see Katie's fat-restraining undergarments cutting off the circulation to her thighs. Then again, I don't think anyone wants to see her alien baby maker either.

And while this doesn't have anything to do with the upskirt, I think the top half of the dress isn't any better. Lets get a good bra in under there, or just a different style dress altogether, because that cleavage isn't sexy at all.

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The First Suri Cruise Pictures

08:33 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

Loyal reader Brandon was good enough to upload this clip from the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric, showing off the new Suri Cruise pictures from the cover of Vanity Fair that goes on sale tomorrow.

Now, personally, I don't really care about all this celebrity baby nonsense, but this is fairly newsworthy I guess, so here it is.

Watch: Suri Cruise picture video

Alright, so I've got to admit, for the demon spawn of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, that's a pretty cute kid. Okay, it's a cute kid regardless of who her parents are *cough*, but why does she look asian?

Link: The First Suri Cruise Pictures

Katie Holmes vs. Tom Cruise: Fight!

11:57 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

There really aren't two celebrities who annoy me more right now than Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Well, maybe Paris Hilton. And Britney Spears. But Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are definitely in the top five. Anyway, I don't like them. I think their relationship is a sham, and their "baby" is either some strange alien being brought into existence by the sheer mental powers of the Scientology celebrity elite, or Verne Troyer.

So when news surfaces that there's trouble in fake paradise, I feel an obligation to alert you, and to make fun of it, too. So what is the trouble? Well, according to MSNBC's The Scoop, Tom and Katie got into a huge fight which ended with Katie packing up, and taking baby Suri to Ohio to be with her parents (who also don't like Tom Cruise).

"He told Katie he wasn't going, considering the bad relations between him and her family," an "insider" told the mag. "Katie was really happy he said that, because she'd been afraid to admit to him that she didn’t want him to go."

The couple allegedly had a "huge argument" which ended with Katie declaring, "I'm doing this and you can’t stop me." Her rep denies the story.

The episode, however, may be giving Holmes second thoughts. A "confidant" of hers told the mag: "Katie's very unhappy and beginning to realize she may have made a major mistake being with Tom."

Nice. Obviously she made a major mistake. Now she's got a kid, and and a crazy egomaniac midget to take care of. The best thing she could do at this point would be to leave Cruise, and their ridiculous, publicist-created relationship, and get back to whatever it was she was doing before she became the worst part of Batman Returns.

And does anyone else think these photos of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are staged? I mean, Tom Cruise never looked so tall in his life. Did they have teh "paparazzi" photographer lying on the ground while they posed "happily" making Tom look tall for the first time in his life?

Oh, and if you've got a particulaarly strong stomach, take a look at Katie Holmes' strech marks. Eesh.

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Katie Holmes Nurses Tom Cruise's Wounds

11:32 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were spotted out and about last night by the paparazzi. Of course, as you can tell by the sequence of pictures, Katie was perfectly happy to talk to the press, whereas Tom had a different idea.

He probably didn't want to talk about how Mission: Impossible 3 didn't meet box office expectations, or maybe it was the fact that Katie Holmes' nursing bra was peeking out the top of her blouse. Either way, he wasn't having it. I guess he was just in a bad mood.

Oh, you may have noticed that I haven't yet called Tom Cruise a Tool in this post. Well, I think I overused the word a bit, so I'm giving it a well deserved break. But that doesn't mean Tom Cruise isn't a Tool. Because he is.

Link: Katie Holmes Nurses Tom Cruise's Wounds

Katie Holmes Graces Us With Her Presence

11:18 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

Just when you thought it was safe to read about gossip again, TomKat rears it's ugly two-head, once again. Katie Holmes was allowed out of the compound yesterday for her first public appearance since giving birth, and of course it was at the Mission: Impossible 3 premiere. His Toolness, Tom Cruise looked ever the tool, taking camera phone pictures with fans, and just generally being a tool.

And I know Katie just gave birth a couple weeks ago, but damn! That girl is huge! Didn't Heidi Klum and Gwyneth Paltrow lose all their baby weight after 45 minutes or something? Somebody get this girl a post-pregnancy personal trainer.

More pictures of the Royal Toolnesses after the jump.

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Katie Holmes Gives Birth to Tom Cruise's Alien Baby

07:09 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

According to People magazine, Katie Holmes has finally given birth to the evil spawn of that tool we all know as Tom Cruise.

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have welcomed their first child together, two inside sources have told PEOPLE.

No other details are immediately available.

As for marriage, Cruise and Holmes plan to tie the knot soon, Cruise said on the German TV program Wetten, dass..? on April 1. "In summer we want to get married. I won't let this woman get away."

In this case, "no other details" refers not to the gendre of the child, but rather to the species. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they gave birth to a basketball, after seeing Katie Holmes' ridiculously large and round stomach. And of course, by "wont't let this woman get away," Cruise really means he will never let her be free to tell the world the true origins of their space baby.

Update: Reuters reports that the "child" is a girl named Suri.

Mother and child, who weighed in at 7 pounds, 7 ounces (3.4 kg) at birth, were "doing well," Cruise's publicist, Paul Bloch, said in a statement.

The name Suri has it origins in Hebrew, meaning "princess," or in Persian, meaning "red rose," the statement said.

What, you thought they'd pick a normal name? Oh, and still no word on whether or not Tom Cruise ate the placenta.

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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Might be Married

02:57 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Katie Holmes

As you probably know by now, I think Tom Cruise is a tool (and frankly so should you). I loathe writing about him, and his year-long publicity stunt "relationship" with Katie Holmes, but there doesn't seem to be much else going on today, and I thought I'd vent a little.

So the big un-news today is that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes may have secretly gotten married in a Scientology ceremony nearly 8 months ago, according to the National Enquirer, via The New York Daily News.

One of the church's chaplains married the couple early last July in a ceremony at sea, according to The National Enquirer.

Cruise and Holmes, who met a few months earlier, are said to have exchanged rings emblazoned with triangular Scientology symbols during a Caribbean cruise aboard the sect's ship the Freewinds. (They supposedly wear their rings only at church functions.) Holmes, who once claimed she would remain virginal until her wedding day, wore white, says the tab.

After the ceremony, the couple walked across a tiny bridge — a Scientology symbol for the journey to "total freedom," sources claim. Scientologists John Travolta and Kirstie Alley are said to have been on the ship, where guests also celebrated Cruise's 43rd birthday.

Holmes' Catholic family was not present, but is due to attend their "official" wedding later this year.

Yesterday, a rep for the couple insisted, "They have not yet wed, and are continuing to move forward with their plans for the big day." (Chances are that will be after Tom's ex Nicole Kidman has hers, which is now rumored to be in Nashville, where her beau, Keith Urban, has a home.)

So, the gossip world is all over this very possibly untrue story of a marriage that may or may not be legally binding, and that the couple denies ever even happened. That's great. And didn't Katie Holmes say that she was waiting to get married before having sex? And isn't Tom Cruise a tool?

Link: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Might be Married