Jessica Alba's Boobs are Huuuuuge

12:20 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

If you hadn't already figured out that Jessica Alba totally won the genetic lottery, these pictures of Jessica out shopping in LA last week should make it abundantly clear. You see, while it's normal for women's breasts to get bigger during pregnancy, Jessica Alba's boobs have grown to unimaginable proportions. It's as if Jessica Alba is even more of a comic book fantasy than she was before. I mean, this is probably what Wonder Woman looks like on her days off.

More pictures of Jessica Alba and her ginormous breasts after the jump.

Photo credit: X17 / Flynet

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Jessica Alba Officially a MILF

01:07 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

So the big news today is that Jessica Alba finally gave birth. She delivered a baby girl named Honor Marie Warren on June 7, reports People. That's great, miracle of life and all that, but what I really want to know is when Jessica Alba is going to look like she does in these bikini pictures here? I have a sinking feeling the answer may be never.

On the flip side, can you imagine how lucky that kid is, getting to be that close to Jessica Alba's breasts everyday? You know Cash Warren is getting anywhere near them for a long time.

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Jessica Alba Pregnant Bikini Pictures

11:46 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

Okay, this isn't exactly the way I wanted to see Jessica Alba back in her bikini, but you've got to admit, there is something strangely compelling about these Jessica Alba bikini pictures. It's kind of like a roadside accident. You don't want to look, but you just can't help it. I just hope for Jessica's sake that she gives birth soon, because if she doesn't, she's going to EXPLODE!

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Jessica Alba Married Cash Warren Today. WTF

07:15 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

The last time I re-posted these Jessica Alba bikini pictures, she had just dumped long-time boyfriend, Cash Warren. Obviously, that didn't take, and Jessica was soon pregnant. And I guess she didn't want to have a bastard child, because Jessica Alba married Cash Warren today, alone at Beverly Hills city hall, reports People.

The couple quietly wed Monday, says her rep, Brad Cafarelli.

According to a source, they were married in the Beverly Hills courthouse's ceremony room under an arch of green silk foliage and white flowers. They were casually dressed, with Alba wearing a long blue dress and her hair back in a ponytail.

"She looked happy but nervous," the source says.

Warren, in a white shirt and brown pants, arrived with Alba at about 11:30 a.m. on Monday, applied for a marriage license and waited about 40 minutes for the paperwork to be processed before a staff member from the courthouse married them, the source says.

Nobody else attended the wedding, the source adds.

So it's pretty much official. Every hot, sexy celebrity of my generation has either gotten married, or pregnant, or both. This shit is depressing. I quit.

Anyway, these Jessica Alba bikini pictures are better than any other stock images of this depressing couple, and a reminder of how hot Jessica Alba used to be, and will never be again.

Link: Jessica Alba Married Cash Warren Today. WTF

Jessica Alba's Nipples are Visible

11:58 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

It would have been hotter if this had happened before Jessica Alba got pregnant, but as I've always said, any opportunity for some Jessica Alba nipple action is fine by me. Jessica was last night and it seems she forgot her bra (which is odd, because her breasts are huge now, so you'd think she'd need one). She also seems to have forgotten what happens to dark dresses under the light of a flash bulb.

Photo credit: Splash News

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Jessica Alba is Super Busty

08:50 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

If you've been keeping tabs on Jessica Alba, one thing seems clear: she isn't happy. She never seems to be in a good mood, and without making any statements that might lead to getting my ass sued, I think it might have something to do with her being pregnant. But she should look on the bright side, her breasts are huge now. And in that dress, from certain angles, under the right light, you can hardly even tell she's pregnant. And did I mention the boobs?

Anyway, if Jessica Alba's worried about not getting any more hot superhero roles, all she has to do is remember that she's a superhero in real life: Super Busty.

Lots more pictures of Jessica Alba busting out after the jump.

Photo credit: Splash News

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Jessica Alba's Hotness Returns in Gotham Magazine

11:57 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

Hey, remember when Jessica Alba was hot? You know, before she got all super-pregnant and stuff. Sure Jessica Alba's breasts got bigger, but so did her ass. Anyway, it's nice to be reminded of just how hot Jessica Alba was before getting knocked up, and this photoshoot from the February issue of Gotham Magazine is a nice reminder of that.

And here are some outtakes from this shoot, which I think are actually hotter than the printed shots, and there are tons more after the jump.

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Jessica Alba is Still Milking It

12:57 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

You know, I think Jessica Alba might be pregnant. Either that or she's smuggling a beachball under her dress. Okay, okay, everyone knows she's pregnant, and by the looks of it, she "milking" it for all it's worth. Especially in regards to her cleavage. Once again, Jessica Alba's breasts are front and center (which is pretty much where they always are) at the Paris premiere of The Eye. Maybe she's hoping that by showing off her ever-enlarging bust, that people will forget about just how crappy her movie is.

Photo credit: Getty Images

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Jessica Alba Proves Milk Does a Body Good

02:20 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

You know, I thought that being pregnant would pretty much kill Jessica Alba's hotness, but I've got to admit, it looks good on her. At least on the upper half, that is. Jessica was at the Fendi party in Paris with Rihanna, and let me tell you, that's one sandwhich I'd love to be in the middle of. And you know what goes best with a sandwhich: A nice, tall glass of milk! Wait, I don't think I got that metaphor right.

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Jessica Alba was Sixth Grade Slut

10:07 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba's life is full of problems. Nothing ever goes right for her it seems. Not even growing breasts. That's right, even Jessica Alba's breasts were a problem for her. At least in the sixth grade. And because she had breasts in the sixth grade, everyone called her a slut. Including her principal and some other parents. Seriously, you can't make this shit up, at least not if you believe Page Six.

Jessica Alba knows the trauma of developing a big chest at an early age - she says she was labeled a sixth-grade slut by her elementary school principal and a couple of "self-righteous" PTA moms. "The accusation still ricochets... They think I'm a slut?"

Alba recalls in "If I'd Known Then," Ellyn Spragins' upcoming book of essays by female celebrities. Alba adds: "Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they're about 20 or 21... It's fun to have a crush, but don't think it's forever... And use birth control and condoms, please."

So, let me get this straight, a "sixth-grade slut" who is now pregnant by her allegedly cheating boyfriend is giving kids advice on safe sex? Um, okay. At least we know she's not a hypocrite.

And since we're talking about Jessica Alba's breasts, here are some nice shots of them from the red carpet at the academy awards.

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