Dora Gets Hardcore in Debut Trailer for ‘Dora and the Lost City of Gold’ (VIDEO)

On the list of things that no one asked for or needed, I would imagine that a gritty reboot of Dora the Explorer is right up there alongside a Golden Girls-esque sitcom starring the Teletubbies. Nevertheless, this is the world we live in, so we're getting a gritty, hard edged reboot of Dora the Explorer, produced by Michael Bay, whether we want it or not.

Dora and the Lost City of Gold stars Isabel Moner (Instant Family) as the titular explorer, who is joined by her best pal Boots—a cgi-monkey voiced by Danny Trejo—in a quest for, you guessed it, the lost city of gold. Now, Danny Trejo voicing Boots may seem like the most bizarre decision anyone could make until you discover that infamous thieving fox Swiper will be voiced by Benicio Del Toro. I guaran-fucking-tee there's a Swiper swiping right joke, or some sort of nonsense that has no business in this movie.

Dora is also joined on her quest by her parents, played by Michael Peña and Eva Longoria, as well as long-time adventuring pal Diego, played by Jeffrey Wahlberg, nephew to Mark. This whole debacle just seems like a jumbled mess of "who exactly is this movie for?" I doubt the finished product will end up appealing to anyone.

Dora and the Lost City of Gold opens in theaters everywhere on August 2.