Don’t Worry Guys, ‘Grown Ups 2’ Is Still in Theaters

If you're like me, you've had a somewhat disappointing summer at the cinema (it's what fancy-writer-people call the movies, deal with it.).  Man of Steel was lackluster. Wolverine was lackluster. Star Trek Into Darkness was all meh.  I heard some heady debate about Pacific Rim (which I loved) and I've already said my peace about The World's End and how much I loved that one. But America? America wasn't down with either of them, apparently.

But one thing America did resoundingly agreed on? Grown Ups 2 was a winner. They went out to see that thing in droves. Its take eclipsed the fortunes of the five great kings of Europe. They loved it so much, that it IS STILL IN THEATERS. For over a month now, people have been spending money on a fart-joke-laden hogwash that they could be spending on guns and/or butter. When will the madness end?

This is where it's still playing in Southern California (sorry Tennessee!):

Yeah, in the place where movies come from, it has still got a number of screenings. You don't have to wake up before noon, even, to get all that hack-tastic horseshit...you can see it at 1pm, 5pm...even 10pm if you want to. Seriously, pick a time. I just don't even know anymore.

What's it going to take to shake this awfulness from movie theaters? War? It's going to have to be war, isn't it.