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Darth Vader Runs For President Of Ukraine

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bill-swift - April 2, 2014

Darth Vader is trying to add president of Ukraine to his long list of titles. The Dark Lord of the Sith has been put forward by the Ukrainian Internet Party as their candidate in the upcoming elections. You'll recall that all hell broke loose in the Ukraine during widespread protests and unrest over their corrupt and inefficient government. This led to Russia invading the Crimea and them declaring their independence. Russia is positioning itself to annex the Crimea...unless someone scarier than Vladimir "I look good with my shirt off Putin" stops it from happening. Who better than the man who once blew up a planet, just 'cause? A dude who cut his own son's hand off and strangles underlings with his mind if they mess up? Normally, elections aren't the way Darth Vader operates. Usually he would just show up with a bunch of stormtroopers and kill anyone who got in his way, including younglings. But it's worth a shot, right?

It's difficult to say what Darth Vader's chances are. The Ukrainian people have suffered a lot under bad leadership. If Vader has anything to offer it's a certain rigid consistency. You pretty much know where you stand with Vader. Either he thinks you are useful and he lets you live or he kills you. Pretty simple, really. Who need nuance when you can have order enforced by an iron hand in a leather glove.

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