Congress Investigating The Imminent Alien Invasion

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bill-swift - May 3, 2013

Today Congress is conducting hearings on a very serious problem: UFOs. Today is day three of your tax dollars funding actual members of congress sitting through 40 witnesses and "expert testimony" on UFO sightings, cattle mutilations, alien abductions, and alien's love Reese's Pieces. A group called Citizens Hearing On Disclosure has petitioned Congress to launch a full scale investigation on aliens visiting Earth. Sure, it's easy to make fun of this. You might say, "I can't believe the taxes I paid last month are funding a serious examination of something that with 98% probability is total BS. Yes, it may be diverting vital resources from dealing with the economy, healthcare, or anything else based in reality. But what if aliens are among us?

I've been telling you for a while that the end is nigh. The only thing I'm not sure of is which horrible end awaits us. Zombies might do it, but we know of no disease that will raise the undead. The robocalypse is a real possibility, but the singularity in when machines achieve sentience may be decades away. But IF aliens have been visiting Earth for centuries, doing experiments involving anal probes, and killing cows they could show up at any moment and laser blast us to death. So, go on congress, investigate. Even if it's a waste of time it won't be the stupidest thing congress has ever done.

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