Sam Robeson - October 31, 2018
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Two nights ago I saw 1996's Scream for the first time, and the scariest part was remembering that Rose McGowan used to be hot. Things got even spookier when I imagined what it must be like to be a former young hot star fucked up by the hands of time. Still searching for the high of getting eye fucked by every PA on set. So you turn elsewhere for that sweet hit of attention. Back in the day, that elsewhere was a VHS workout video ala Suzanne Somers. But in 2018 it's outspoken quasi-political nonsense on social media ala Rose McGowan. And, of course, Chrissy Teigen.
Not long ago Teigen's mantra was helping boys discover the full potential of their pee holes by splashing around nude in an inch of ocean water for Sports Illustrated. But too many HelloGiggles articles and an inflated sense of self-worth put an end to her bikini days. Now, when she isn't coaxing her daughter into face fuck a deadly wasp, Teigen is apparently working on her Woman of the Year title. Bestowed by the recently rebranded woke Glamour Magazine. Now for the part I've been trying to delay. Here we go. We can do this. Teigen's Insta acceptance speech:
Honored to be one of Glamour’s Women of the Year amongst other women I admire and adore so much. I’ve never been the most eloquent person and lately I’ve noticed myself going quiet - consumed by the news of the day, and not quite knowing what to say. Or wanting to say something but not really having the mental strength to handle the inevitable backlash. But I end up feeling worse. I want to speak up for those that can’t, for people that feel smaller or less-than because of the big talk of a small man. I PROMISE I am going to do what I can to live up to this title and live up to the bar set by incredible women like Kamala, Viola, Janelle. I am not worthy but I will continue to try to make you laugh, give love through food, and wad the panties of assholes trying to keep you down.
I love you guys and am so appreciative of the platform you have bestowed upon me!! Thank you to @glamourmag for this incredible honor. #glamourWOTY
And possibly worse, what Glamour has to say about Teigen on their Women of the Year page:
So funny. So true. And so damn necessary. Chrissy Teigen may be one of the most relatable people on the Internet, but she's also an unofficial spokesperson for Generation Fed Up.
We're Generation Fed Up with Chrissy Teigen, and we're not going to take it anymore. Anyway, check her out on the cover modeling White House Black Market's Shrek Collection.
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“When I look at the most successful people around me, I feel like they all had plans,” our 2018 Glamour Women of the Year honoree @ChrissyTeigen says. “But I never had a plan ... I still don’t know my exact job title.” Chrissy may be one of the most relatable people on the internet, but she’s much more than that—she’s the unofficial voice of the FED UP generation. Meet the 2018 class of #GlamourWOTY honorees at the #linkinbio. PHOTOGRAPHS BY: @tomschirmacher STYLED BY: @micalovesthis HAIR: @gavinharwinhair MAKEUP: @patrickta
Photo Credit: Glamour / Getty Images / MEGA / Backgrid USA