CELEBRITY

Cher’s Teenager Tits Disconcerting

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Sam Robeson - May 22, 2017

Cher wore nor one but two revealing outfits while performing at this weekend's Billboard Music Awards. Millennials thought they were cheering on their favorite RuPaul's Drag Race queen. Original Cher fans blinked from their hospice beds and wondered when their generation turned into a global punchline. We're led to believe that the 71-year-old singer has stopped the hands of time in order to pull off her revealing costumes. It looks more like the hands of time beat her to within an inch of her life then slathered her in clay to cover the evidence. She and Caitlyn Jenner probably look identical naked.

Gwen Stefani was raised from the dead to present Cher with this year's Music Award for Icon. Cher then took to the stage covering her old nips with a nude bra complete with a faux pastie. The confused AARP singer stumbled around in a wig while exuberant backup dancers only heightened her fragility by contrast. Always surround yourself with people older and uglier than yourself. DUFFs. Cher should have scattered corpses around the stage. 

A costume change saw the singer sporting her iconic outfit from the If I could Turn Back Time music video. The world doesn't need more reboots. Cher was at her prime in the 60's and early 70's. She managed to successfully adopt the lot lizard chic of the 80's. The 90's were a stretch. Now she's just stretched out. While accepting her Billboard award Cher stated:

I just have to say I think luck has so much to do with my success. I think it was mostly luck and a little bit of something thrown in.

Restylane.

 

Photo Credit: Splash News

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