Vienna Girardi

Vienna Girardi Bikini Pictures Will Inflate Your Bachelor Balls

I couldn't bother to remember exactly who Vienna Girardi is in relation to the craptastic assortment of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad reality programming that I would mercifully axe to death any of my own friends who even slipped into admitting they ever once peeked for even a minute at these shows. But I do think she was a winner, of some kind, and mostly now I'm just saying that because I'm once again staring lust over heels directly into her big-boobed bodacious body and I like to believe that women with sweet chest puppies always win in life.

Vienna was fooling around on a boat in Miami, showing off her curvy bikini body and sipping her Bud Light through a straw, which could only possibly make me want to donkey punch hug and cuddle her that much more. She is a sweetheart. Enjoy.

Vienna Girardi Suffers Another Breakup and Goes Nuts With Her Cucumber

I must admit to never having seen The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, or The Bachelor Pad, all of which consume precious time from my girlfriend's waking hours when she could otherwise be darning my socks or helping me glue back together the Michael Jordan unauthorized replica mini-statue I busted up accidentally one drunken night when I thought it was a home intruder. But, apparently, chicks (and Cousin Jonathan) dig these shows because like a billion million of them watch every week to see which trumped up romances will blossom or fall to pieces so they can rejoice or cry or yell at the small screen.

One veteran of these shows, Vienna Girardi, who I only know as the pretty hot chick with the Amityville Horror eyes that ought to let a man know straight off to get the hell out of her house, well, apparently she was engaged to somebody on one show before their breakup, then had a new boyfriend on another, and they also broke up and cracked her fake heart, and now she's back home living with her parents on their peanut farm.

All of which means zippo to us at Egotastic! save for the fact that despite the batshit crazy eyes, she still looks pretty hot as a country girl toting her personal cucumber around the peanut farm. We do so love a girl who can handle a hoe. Enjoy.