Victoria Beckham

Victoria Beckham Still Won’t Smile But We Still Want to Shag Her

What is it that compels a man toward a dour woman. The breaking of the ice? The tackle every challenge? The take no prisoners approach? All of that sounds like way too much work for us here, so why do we so badly want to lift the little black dress of Victoria Beckham and give her a solid spanking, with emphasis?

I think it must be that which drives a man toward the rocky shores when at sea, the Siren’s call, the compulsion of some men to just make their lives more difficult than it has to be to confirm what their third grade teacher whispered once into their ear during an inappropriate alone time session behind the rectory, ‘Son, life is about pain, at the bottom of every basket of hope is a snake waiting to consume your dreams’. I never did quite understand that, but I did get the snake part, which is why I learned very quickly never to be alone with Brother Ben in his special lunch spot, but I think it has something to do with a current day hunger to plunge neck long into the fur long of a sour puss like Victoria Beckham.

She does have nice legs. Enjoy.

The Real Reason for the 2012 Summer Olympics — Spice Girls Reunion!

Okay, we can proudly say we were never into Spice Girls the music, but we’d be lying if we didn’t say that we didn’t punch our ticket to Wanktown at least once or thrice for each and every member of the bedeviling all-girl mega-pop group. starting with Posh.

Who knew way back then that Victoria Beckham would not smile for another decade, even after wealth and marriage to a soccer superstar and baby-making and 1,000 pairs of shoes in her close. Still, our dreams of banging whatever little stuffing remains in Posh while Wannabe plays on the surround sound, that still lingers, so we were more than thrilled, like little teen girls, to see all the Spice Girls back together for the London Olympics Closing Ceremony.

Personally, our closing ceremonies would’ve included a big GTFO REST OF THE WORLD and a small gift pack of scones, but London went all out, Spice Girls, The Who, George Michaels, and an entire ensemble cast we stopped watching the minute we punched that ticket again to the Spice Girls. Enjoy.

Victoria Beckham Will Not Smile, She Will Not Eat, But She Does Still Doll Up Nice for a Night Out

Victoria Beckham has added staring forlorn into the gutter to her body language S.O.P. in recent weeks, as the girl who seems to have it all continues to look like somebody just sank her battleship (and we can only imagine what that means when the cameras are off — it’s not Yahtzee and giggles time in the Beckham home).

Nevertheless, there’s no denying that Posh knows how to dress up posh and make a sweet showing for the paparazzi as she did last evening at a birthday party for Simon Fuller, the dude who made a sick fortune inventing Pop Idol and American Idol TV shows, and now gets the pleasure of seeing the candles on his birthday cake doused by the wet blanket known as Victoria Beckham. Enjoy.

Kaley Cuoco, Bar Refaeli, and Miley Cyrus Featured In This Week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

Vanity isn’t just for celebrity breakfast anymore, it’s now driving more and more of our sextastic hotties to check themselves out in the mirror and say ‘Damn, I’m fine, the world needs to see some of this.’ Snap snap. And to the web they go with their photos of their favorite subjects — themselves — which works out just about perfect for us gentleman oglers.

This week’s sextastic Twitpic roundup includes self-contributions of hotness from the likes of Kaley Cuoco in little bikinis, Bar Refaeli looking ever hot, Miley Cyrus in love with her own legs, Sara Jean Underwood forever in a bikini and about a bazillion more sweethearts self-portraiting themselves straight into our loins. You owe it to yourself to feed their vanity. Enjoy.

Victoria Beckham Grabs Eva Longoria Funbags To Lead Sextastic Celebrity Twitpic Roundup

Bear with us, wait, make that, bare with us, as we skipped a week in our Twitpic roundups so this week’s edition is especially robust, if you will. There are some remarkable photos provided by the self-publishing hands of celebrities who when they can’t get enough attention, stoke some more by distributing their own private and personal photos, often quite intimate. Which, we just happen to love.

This week’s roundup includes the seriously gaunt Victoria Beckham fondling Eva Longoria at an Oscar weekend party, Coco showing why she’s the Twitpic queen, Sofia Vergara getting dressed, Nina Agdal personal bikini pics, and much more more…

All must sees. Check them out. And, enjoy

Victoria Beckham Still Won’t Smile, Still Needs a Sandwich, But Still Hot in i-D Magazine

We’re not sure what happened to Posh exactly, but somewhere along the line the hottest Spice Girl (yeah, we said it, we own it) decided that marriage to the world’s most famous soccer player (who Gretchen here tells me is one hunky dude), tons of money, beautiful houses, vacation homes, jet travel, successful commercials, and a baby, could still not make her smile, let alone eat a sandwich, but it did happen. And it’s kind of unfortunate in the way that seeing otherwise seemingly have-it-all hotties in a constant state of glumness always is.

But then there’s this i-D magazine pictorial, and it rekindles my lower-half-of-the-body interest in Victoria Beckham, with all her hotness potential, still no smile, still way too skinny, but so much there there that… well, I’d love to lock Victoria and Angelina Jolie up in my basement for a few weeks and feed them like a turkey farmer does his stock in the weeks before Thanksgiving. I think that sounds kind of almost legal. Enjoy.

Rihanna Nipple Pokes and Other Fun Things to Ogle

Rihanna nipple pokes out to say hello. (Celebuzz)

- Scarlett Johansson in Cosmo. (GossipCenter)

- Kylie Minogue looking sexy and whatnot. (Idolator)

- Carey Mulligan talks about going full-frontal. (HuffPo)

- WWE twin hotties support the troops. (FoxNews)

- Victoria Beckham at her hottest. (SocialiteLife)

- Kourtney Kardashian gets knocked up. (GossipOnThis)