Do you know what I did for my last birthday? My girlfriend was stuck in detention for talking back to her homeroom teacher, so my friend, Cormac, who only two months earlier had lost his right ear breaking up a girlfight on YouTube, took me out to a Suzanne Vega acoustic sessions retrospective. How I envied Cormac and his diminished aural capacity on that evening. It was on the fifth reprise of My Name is Luka that I vowed that the next person who asked me for a birthday wish would get exactly what they wanted. Which brings me to Egotastic! reader, 'Dave'.
Recently expelled from his parent's basement, Dave survives off the humiliation from repeated rejection by members of the opposite sex. That burning shame keeps Dave warm through the winter as he forages for nuts and discarded gum on the underside of bus station seating areas. All Dave wanted for his 26th birthday this year was to ogle the amazingly engorged fun bags of the sexy Sophie Howard. A simple wish that Egotastic!, with help from our good friends at Nuts magazine, can certainly honor.
As per my oath, these bodacious boobs are for you, Dave. Enjoy.