Shauna Sand

Shauna Sand Bikini Pictures Leave Us Feeling Darkly Gritty

We can never really decide what to do with Shauna Sand, the former Playboy thingamajig who seems all kinds of shady jane, but undeniably, at times, brings that pumped up kicks body of hers to bear, as she did in Miami yesterday, attempting to make her own mark in the South Florida hot celebrity body competition informally taking place in the area daily.

While there is little left to Shauna that was not at one time in recycles pellet form, she does manage to put it all together into a package that we can't stop looking at. Hence, she makes the cut. Enjoy.

Battle Skanky Gourds: Courtney Stodden vs. Shauna Sand at the Pumpkin Patch

Wow, it really was like watching Obi Wan and Luke this weekend at the pumpkin patch, where half of Hollywood's D-list came to pick their autumnal orange for the cameras, and this year, even the ever-questionably dressed Shauna Sand found some competition in the corrupting kids at the park when what would seem to be her young new apprentice, Courtney Stodden, showed up to flash half her oddly-mature teen body to the G for Gourd rated audience at the family fun center.

Shauna Sand was kidding herself if she thought a skin-tight white dress hugging her boobtastic form would win the day, so she artfully threw in a front bending upskirt flash for the dads at the patch, just to remind them who owns the title of raunchiest urban farm visitor each year. But do not count out the 17-going-on-XXX Courtney Stodden who wants to be famous so badly, she can taste it (and probably often has), baring all kinds of country muffin skin.

Trick or Trick? Enjoy.

Pardon My French

Damn, Ciara looks good. (Celebuzz)

Happy birthday, Gwen Stefani. (HuffPo)

Shauna Sand vs. Brooke Hogan: Bikini Battle. (FoxNews)

The sequel to Moneyball is way better than the original. (CollegeHumor)

Camille Grammer in a little, black bikini. (TMZ)

Rachel Bilson takes her legs for a walk. (DrunkenStepfather)

Sonic the Hedgehog gets advice from his agent. (CollegeHumor)

The Power of Shauna Sand Boobtastic Compels You

Let me be the first to point out that Shauna Sand is a fame whore of the highest order, even noteworthy in Hollywood circles. Let's also mutually acknowledge that an enormous sunburst could superheat the earth, melt the very sand beneath her feet into glass, and 92% of Shauna Sand would still remain completely intact. Her bikini is made of more organic material than you will find in what it covers, and yet...

... I can't stop looking at Shauna Sand in these bikini pictures from Miami the past couple of days. It's like her android body compels my mind in ways I haven't experienced since first discovering how to unscramble the porn on our cable television system years ago as a kid. I think it's some uncharted branch of the nervous system that travels direct from the eyeballs to the lowballs without any interpretation by the brain.

I am rendered helpless.

Chelsea Jogger

Pippa Middleton works up a good sweat. (Celebuzz)

Marion Cotillard and other chicks I want to French. (HuffPo)

Singer, Cassie, aint firing blanks. (Idolator)

Emma Watson gets her sexy back in New York. (GossipCenter)

Lindsey Vonn is taking the jail bait. (TMZ)

Some asstastic inspiration. (TheChive)

Shauna Sand bikini goodness. (DrunkenStepfather)

Hogwarts Hottie

Emma Watson shares a peek at her awesome legs. (GossipCenter)

Emma Stone and Christina Hendricks: ginger on ginger love. (HuffPo)

Megan Fox looks sexy on the set of her new film. (Celebuzz)

Fergie shows her love for the USA. (Popoholic)

Bikini mud wrestling is my new favorite sport. (TheChive)

Shauna Sands flashes her beach body. (DrunkenStepfather)

Julianne Hough bikini goodness. (GossipCenter)

Karissa Shannon and Shauna Sand Battle It Out in Epic Skanky Food Fest

I find myself more and more intrigued by these two blonde bumshells Playmates and the depths to which they dive to find that hidden treasure called publicity.

Karissa Shannon has herself a theme. That theme seems to be sex. Constant sex. Mostly with Pete from Smallville, but also the occasional pumpkin or ice cream cone spill. Oops, did I spill white cream on my chest again. SJ3! Help! (Have you seen the Karissa Shannon sex tape yet? Long form trailer coming soon.)

Shauna Sand has a unique motif: be as sexually provocative and crude as possible in front of her young daughter. It's a hook. Seen here dribbling ketchup onto her tongue in what can only be described as an egregious violation of County Health Code violations, Shauna Sand imparts upon her daughter generational wisdom something well-short of the modern feminist agenda.

Am I but a pawn in the gross fame-hogging of these big-boobed Playboy veterans? Oh, hell yeah I am. I just can't stop. Not quite yet. Enjoy.

Photo credit: pacificcoastnewsonline.com