Paris Hilton

Why Are Paris Hilton’s Nipples So Excited? Cause They’re About to Get Paid

Little known fact about Billionaire Barbie, well, not little known to her accountant -- have you ever wondered where Paris' play money comes from? I mean, the stuff that pays for what's on her back or up her nose? It's not from the family hotel fortune, it's from personal appearance and promotional fees and the bulk of those fees come from overseas engagements, many in the Far East or Middle East, where Billionaire Barbie remains an iconic star.

In realms such as Turkey, where Paris adorns billboards and magazines and somehow has become a blonde fashion and lifestyle icon to tons and tons of chain smoking men and women, nightclubs and shopping malls pay her big bucks to come and dance and wink her good eye and get wasted. This explains why Paris has such stiff headlights as she exited her plane in Istanbul for a cash run in Turkey. When the headlights are on, Billionaire Barbie is about to get paid. Count on it. Enjoy.

Paris Hilton Bikini Vacation in Maui To Relieve the Stress of Her Heiress Lifestyle

Just when you thought Paris Hilton was going to use her college high school 2nd grade education for some good, maybe get a job, nope, she has to go and lob some slurs that pissed off the gay community, find a new young boy toy, and jet off to Maui for a few days to give herpes to knock boots with her new young toy.

Ah, life is never easy for Billionaire Barbie. I mean, if you discount the wealthy spoiled everything-at-your-fingertips upbringing, and then the trust funds and the sex tape turned highly paid celebrity party hostess gigs overseas, and the 250K credit limit on her AMEX, it's been rough. So, Paris gets to relax in the Hawaiian surf. And we get to see her in a bikini. We'll do that deal. Enjoy.

Paris Hilton Shows a Side of Herself We Kind of Admire

Perhaps we've been too harsh on Billionaire Barbie over the years. All the focus on her car crashes and jail time and lady nest cocaine stowaway  jobs. Perhaps it's time we stopped the judging, cleaned the slate and started with a whole new outlook on Paris -- and that new outlook is her booty

There's really no denying that at 31 years of age Billionaire Barbie maintains a tight little rump, the kind of rump you take on vacation to Italy where boot flashing is indigenous. Rumor has it that Paris has a brand new boyfriend, which can only mean one thing (well, two if you count the obligatory call to the boyfriend from the County Health Department) -- Paris is going to be on the 'make a strong impression' run for some time to come. So we can expect much more of her good side(s). Enjoy.

Paris Hilton Bikini Pictures Show How a Real Woman Pays Her Bills

I'll say this for Billionaire Barbie, she's an earner. I was going to say, she pays her bills, but after hearing tales form her last long-term boyfriend about how she didn't open her wallet for 18-months to pay for a single thing, that might be overstepping the compliment. But, she does work. She does earn. She doesn't fly to St. Tropez to leopard-print bikini time on her own dime, trust me, there's a sponsor.

Nevertheless, the free benefit to us oglers is seeing Billionaire Barbie, still maintaining the bikini body in lean shape, resisting the urge to implant some big knockers on her front end, keeping it all real as a lazy-eyed partying heiress can these days.

If we could afford to hire Paris, we would too. But not to stand around and look pretty, we have some more hands-on projects in mind. Enjoy.

Paris Hilton Beats Up a Paparazzi, Falls Down, Flashes Her Panties — So, Normal Evening

The thing about being Billionaire Barbie, is that in addition to your special powers of being able to hide large quantities of illicit substances in your bodily cavities, the imbibing of large quantities of booze gives you superhuman strength enough to assault a paparazzi following you out of the club late at night (read as, in the morning). Quite some powers.

Now, we have zero sympathy in general for the loser dudes who file lawsuits against celebrities who take weak swings at them because they want cameras out of their faces, especially when those celebs are girls, like Justin Bieber, or, in this case, Billionaire Barbie. She probably clocks in at 130 lbs and hasn't likely eaten in three weeks. She simply can't have much power behind her right cross. Not to mention, her right cross was mostly planted on the ground trying to keep her butt off the floor after stumbling to the ground and flashing her entire under-carriage and some shockingly boring panties.

All in the day (or night) of the life of Billionaire Barbie. Though you'll never see this particular playset on the shelf at Toys 'R Us. Enjoy.

Dreams Really Can Come True! Paris Hilton Finally Becomes a Real DJ

Hey, remember when I said that being a DJ wasn't a real job and I wasn't exactly sure what the hell a DJ does anyhow, then you tried to explain to me that, no, it's a real profession with real serious skills that require hardcore training and countless hours of learning and... well, Billionaire Barbie debuted this weekend in Brazil as partymaster DJ, fulfilling her lifelong dream of inserting herself into nearly every job available related to the party lifestyle.

There aren't many women out there who can open the house, fill the house, get the house tweaked, flash the house, and bring the house down now with her righteous pushing of the DJ buttons, but Billionaire Barbie can, and did in Sao Paulo, much to the delight of many screaming Brazilians, who, to their credit, may have been screaming for their ticket money back once Paris appeared on the stage.

Just when you think you've seen it all, there's always more to see. Enjoy.

Bikini Pictures of Imogen Thomas, Paris Hilton, Aly Michalka, and Sara Jean Underwood Lead List of Hotties in the Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

Will these hot celebrities ever get tired of shooting themselves and sharing their good-lookingness with the whole world? I hope not. I expect not. And, in short, no. If anybody recognizes the value of sextastic, it's those blessed to be making a living from being born with it. So share it they shall.

These week's Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes a whole series of bikini clad self-pic hotties such as Imogen Thomas, Paris Hilton, Aly Michalka, Sara Jean Underwood, as well as some in-depth cleavage from Elizabeth Gillies and Ariana Grande and, oh, so much more. You owe it to yourself, as a person who keeps up with the news of the days, to news yourself into a blissful state with the entire gallery of self-published hotties. Enjoy.