Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Swimsuit Pictures Try to Ruin My Beloved Bondi Beach

By Bill Swift | March 29, 2012 @ 8:51 am

Paris Hilton Blue Swimsuit in Bondi Beach

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As you know, Bondi Beach down Australia way is perhaps the single finest celebrity babe-watching spot in all the Southern Hemisphere, and Billionaire Barbie tried to ruin it yesterday with her dog and ride the white pony show, posing and primping for her paparazzi following along the sandy strip of usual goodness.

Now, I know what you're thinking when seeing Billionaire Barbie in this revealing blue swimsuit, where on earth is she hiding her cocaine? Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, until we saw her latest new temporary boyfriend, DJ Afrojack, instructed to stand ten paces back, out of her photo site line. Sometimes in the recreational use drug stowing business, you've got to count on your buddy. Enjoy.

Check Out Paris' Dance Moves in Miami Video »

Paris Hilton Gets Her Bikini Working as Her DJ Boyfriend Plays Football and Mixes Music or Some Such Nonsense

By Bill Swift | March 22, 2012 @ 8:42 am

Paris Hilton Bikini Top at an Afrojack Concert

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Here are three things you will never convince me of, ever:

Billionaire Barbie is in love.
DJ's are musical artists
Musicians can play football

Not buying any of it, but it all came together yesterday in Miami when Billionaire Barbie donned the bikini top for her new sort of flame make-out boyfriend, Afrojack, the DJ, during a game of football between DJ's, all of whom seem to come from Holland, for whatever reason, and I suppose have dexterous fingers, though you don't really see many NFL players coming out of the DJ camps.

I still don't exactly know what DJ's do, other than push buttons, which, for the record, most of us do throughout the day, but I guess most of us don't do it with our hands waving in the air shouting 'Yeah, part-ee up!' so that's some type of difference there. I guess Afrojack does it really well or something, and, thus, he wins first prize, which apparently is HSV the lower. Enjoy.

PARIS HILTON IS SHY ABOUT ATTENTION

45 Photos »

Paris Hilton Gets Into Stockings and Garters for Mom’s Mr. Chow’s Birthday Dinner

By Bill Swift | March 12, 2012 @ 10:45 am

Paris Hilton Stockings and Garters at Her Mom's Birthday in Beverly Hills

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Paris Topless Yachting

Got a Big Boat? Paris Will Get Topless for You. 5 Photos »

At my mom's last birthday, I wore my 'Beer Drinkers of America' t-shirt and she pointed out that I was under-dressed for the occasion, but then I pointed out that I had taken her to the Sizzler during early bird discount hours for her birthday and then she was forced to say, 'touche'. Mom knows some French.

Billionaire Barbie has goes a bit bigger for her mom's birthday, with a trip to Mr. Chow's in Beverly Hills, and daughter getting all decked out in a revealing top and stockings and garters in a dress that has 'Bill Clinton Me' written all over it. I'm not exactly sure what it means when daughter goes 9 1/2 Weeks for mom's party, but in the Hilton family, I'm guessing it's actually completely normal.

What if we're all insane and the Hiltons are normal? Enjoy.

Jaime Pressly Bikini Pictures, Adrianne Curry Naughtiness, and Sara Jean Underwood Partying with Friends Headline This Week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

By Bill Swift | March 8, 2012 @ 9:50 am

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We are really digging hard on celebrity Twitpics these days; with the ever growing trend of super hotties doing half our work, and taking us deep into their private spaces. Not necessarily the private spaces for which we'd pay a kidney to visit, but private enough to get the cheap thrills that fill our life tanks.

This week's Celebrity Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Jaime Pressly showing off her hot bikini body, Adrianne Curry getting cheeky with her chest cheeks, Sara Jean Underwood posing with Candace Bailey in a sandwich we'd kill to be the meat in, Jennifer Love Hewitt flashing cleavetastic, and much much more. Check it out. And, enjoy.

2012 Grammy Award Hottie Rodeo: Rihanna, Kate Beckinsale, Katy Cocktease, and Anne Vyalitsyna

By Bill Swift | February 13, 2012 @ 1:53 pm

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I must admit, we got half way through our Grammy Hotties list last night, had a bit too much to drink, and when we woke up today, we were still kind of pleasantly surprised with our original list.

We picked Anne Vyalitsyna as our top hottie of the night, even though she has nothing to do with music short of she-banging the craptastic out of Maroon 5's Adam Levine, which is definitely a big something something for Adam. But we had to give it up for that slit dress of hers. Quite amazing.

We also felt pangs in our loins for Rihanna and Katy Cocktease, who we showed you earlier today canoodling and playing grabby hands. Rounding out our sextastic list were uber-hottie Kate Beckinsale, Malin Akerman, Fergie, and, okay, sue me, Billionaire Barbie who looked hot enough to donkey punch at last nights big music event. Just based upon the amount of skin showing, we're hoping there might be a trend here headed into the Oscars. Fingers and legs crossed. Enjoy.

ANNE V. IS TOO HOT TO BE ANY ONE MAN'S GIRLFRIEND

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Billionaire Barbie Gets Into Garters and Stockings for DDS

By Bill Swift | February 1, 2012 @ 9:03 am

Paris Hilton Knee-High Stockings in Beverly Hills

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Paris Topless Party Pics

Billionaire Barbie Always More Fun When Drunk and Topless 9 Photos »

There aren't many girls who are going to get all midnight sexy for a trip to the dentist, but Billionaire Barbie doesn't play casual, at least not when she's not in the big house. So the Hilton heiress brought out the stockings and garters for a trip to the dentist in Beverly Hills where her tooth surgeon fixed her award winning no-wrinkles, distant-gazed half-smirk. Now you can see how mildy amused she is with the dollhouse world around her with even whiter teeth. Enjoy.

P.S. Where is the red Ferrari? We're looking into it as we speak,but, suffice it to say, get your Hallmark sympathy cards ready for that beautiful automobile. It never stood a chance.

Billionaire Barbie’s Red Ferrari Remains Intact and Almost Two Months Old

By | January 19, 2012 @ 11:33 am

It Lives!

Paris Hilton Drives Off in Her Red Ferrari

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As you know, we've been tracking the progress of Billionaire Barbie and her new $280,000 Ferrari, anticipating that the life span on the fine Italian motorcar under the not so careful stewardship of one lazy eye and one boggle-brained heiress with a penchant for distilled beverages and car crash would be short lived. We predicted 34 days. But, lo and behold, on Day 51 since purchase, the red beauty remains intact.

Looks like somebody's been taking their court-ordered driver safety courses seriously. So, what, maybe another 30 days max before the total? Enjoy.